I am DONE with all this chemo. I am not liking how it makes me feel. Friday was my worst day, as expected, and the rest of the weekend slipped away as I slept and felt sickly. I hated my life this weekend as I read all of my friends' Facebook posts about all the fun things they did over the weekend. And all I did was sleep, throw up and feel nauseous. I am ready to be well and enjoy being healthy. I must say, what I am going through puts "having good health" into perspective. I have taken it for granted and hope that I can convert to a healthier lifestyle when this is all over. Reality has set in and it will be a struggle to stay positive and upbeat through all this.
So that is how I was feeling Monday. Today, I am still drained and running slow from allergies or a cold. We are going to Chicago over Labor Day weekend to visit John's family, and I so need to feel better for the drive and all the activities planned. I definitely do not want to be a party-pooper. I'm planning to go back to work on Tuesday and will hate to feel like this a lot of the time while there. It will make for long, hard days.
The hair on my head continues to grow and my stubbles are getting longer, so last night I asked John to shave my head to make it smooth. He never thought he would be doing that. It feels much better now when I lay my head down. But now my wig keeps slipping. Ugh!
Those are my random thoughts for the day.
Hugs!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Second Treatment
Yesterday's treatment went really well. I was only there for 2 1/2 hours. I got right in for labs, then seeing my doctor and then chemo. I think I like those afternoon times since there are not so many people there.
The boys came with John to the treatment to get a tour of the building and see what Mommy goes through. They got to see my blood under a microscope and they watched someone having their blood drawn. I wasn't with them through this since I was already in the process of my treatment. I think they found it all very interesting and maybe will help take away any scared thoughts they may have built up in their heads when Mommy goes to the doctor and takes her medicine. All of the people at Missouri Cancer Associates are wonderful. They were very kind and friendly with the boys. I think that helped a lot!
I am doing well today. I have a little bit of nausea but I have been taking the pills to combat that...so far so good. My energy is a little low today. I took a 3 hour nap this morning. I'm not sure if that is from the chemo or that I just needed to catch up on some sleep since I have been running around like crazy with errands preparing for the down time. I go at 4:00 today for the Neulasta shot. Hopefully, that will not take too much out of me.
That was just a quick update. I will share more when I have more.
Love to you all!
The boys came with John to the treatment to get a tour of the building and see what Mommy goes through. They got to see my blood under a microscope and they watched someone having their blood drawn. I wasn't with them through this since I was already in the process of my treatment. I think they found it all very interesting and maybe will help take away any scared thoughts they may have built up in their heads when Mommy goes to the doctor and takes her medicine. All of the people at Missouri Cancer Associates are wonderful. They were very kind and friendly with the boys. I think that helped a lot!
I am doing well today. I have a little bit of nausea but I have been taking the pills to combat that...so far so good. My energy is a little low today. I took a 3 hour nap this morning. I'm not sure if that is from the chemo or that I just needed to catch up on some sleep since I have been running around like crazy with errands preparing for the down time. I go at 4:00 today for the Neulasta shot. Hopefully, that will not take too much out of me.
That was just a quick update. I will share more when I have more.
Love to you all!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Sinead O'Connor Look
I have been wanting to post about my party for some time, but I was emotionally drained that evening and was still trying to recover on Monday. Then I got busy running errands Monday and today trying to prepare for the inevitable downtime of the chemo treatment the rest of the week. Sometimes my posts can take a couple of hours to put together, so that's another reason this post was delayed. Your patience means pictures!!!
Believe it or not, I really had a great time at my head shaving party. I had some great friends there to support me. There was lots of laughter and tears. 13 ladies were in attendance and many in spirit for this occasion. We started out with snacking, visiting and introductions. Then I opened the many gifts I received. I now have several hats and a scarf to choose from when I am ready to strictly go that route. Very cute hats and the cards were sentimental and hard to read aloud...I'm not a good crier and talker at the same time.
Next came the shaving! My stylist started by taking sections of my hair and putting them into ponytails. Then she started shaving off each section one at a time. I, of course, had some hesitation, but this is what I was there to do. My anxiety was building each time she took off a section. I wondered what the others were thinking. I kept it light and offered some humor to ease my thoughts. When my hair was completely gone, I went around the room to let the ladies rub my head. I didn't realize at the time I had this ugly bump on the back of my head. I felt ugly when I saw it and wondered what the ladies thought when they saw it, but then I stopped myself and thought they may be wondering what their head would look like if it were bald. Basically, I turned the lies into truth and I was able to move on and not dwell on it. Thank you God for your presence.
I have been wavering as whether or not to post a picture of me bald. I want to be vulnerable during this process and show the way things are. Soo....here I am....
When I got home that evening, the boys just stared at me while I had my wig on. I had a huge headache from crying and from the tension of the wig, so I went into my room shortly after coming home to remove it for awhile. I didn't want to just take it off in front of them since I knew they were scared about this process. After a couple of minutes, Kalen started to walk in my room but John stopped him. Kalen said "What? Is she bald?" John said with a chuckle, "Yes, do you want to see her bald?" Kalen, of course, said yes right away because of his curiosity and Aden actually wanted to see me as well. Here's a picture of that moment...
They felt my head and then Aden had enough of that. Kalen kept rubbing my head.
Later that evening I let Kalen put all of those duct tape bows on my head like I said I would. He enjoyed that greatly. I was his art project for the night.
He's all about the bunny ears when pictures are being taken.
I am doing well even after a couple of days. You wouldn't believe how easy and fast it is for me to get ready in the morning! I am bald most of the time at home and throw on my wig when I go out. I think that is all I will share for now.
There are blessings in everything difficult.
Believe it or not, I really had a great time at my head shaving party. I had some great friends there to support me. There was lots of laughter and tears. 13 ladies were in attendance and many in spirit for this occasion. We started out with snacking, visiting and introductions. Then I opened the many gifts I received. I now have several hats and a scarf to choose from when I am ready to strictly go that route. Very cute hats and the cards were sentimental and hard to read aloud...I'm not a good crier and talker at the same time.
Next came the shaving! My stylist started by taking sections of my hair and putting them into ponytails. Then she started shaving off each section one at a time. I, of course, had some hesitation, but this is what I was there to do. My anxiety was building each time she took off a section. I wondered what the others were thinking. I kept it light and offered some humor to ease my thoughts. When my hair was completely gone, I went around the room to let the ladies rub my head. I didn't realize at the time I had this ugly bump on the back of my head. I felt ugly when I saw it and wondered what the ladies thought when they saw it, but then I stopped myself and thought they may be wondering what their head would look like if it were bald. Basically, I turned the lies into truth and I was able to move on and not dwell on it. Thank you God for your presence.
I have been wavering as whether or not to post a picture of me bald. I want to be vulnerable during this process and show the way things are. Soo....here I am....
When I got home that evening, the boys just stared at me while I had my wig on. I had a huge headache from crying and from the tension of the wig, so I went into my room shortly after coming home to remove it for awhile. I didn't want to just take it off in front of them since I knew they were scared about this process. After a couple of minutes, Kalen started to walk in my room but John stopped him. Kalen said "What? Is she bald?" John said with a chuckle, "Yes, do you want to see her bald?" Kalen, of course, said yes right away because of his curiosity and Aden actually wanted to see me as well. Here's a picture of that moment...
They felt my head and then Aden had enough of that. Kalen kept rubbing my head.
Later that evening I let Kalen put all of those duct tape bows on my head like I said I would. He enjoyed that greatly. I was his art project for the night.
He's all about the bunny ears when pictures are being taken.
I am doing well even after a couple of days. You wouldn't believe how easy and fast it is for me to get ready in the morning! I am bald most of the time at home and throw on my wig when I go out. I think that is all I will share for now.
There are blessings in everything difficult.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Wig Styling
This past week everything has seemed normal and as though I was never diagnosed with breast cancer. It was nice. I had lots of energy and accomplished many things around the house. I even had the opportunity to walk my kids to school on their first day. I enjoyed that immensely! It's kind of nice being a stay-at-home-mom for the time being. If only I could get paid for that. :)
It wasn't until today that the reality of my diagnosis became front and center once again. I drove down to Jeff City with a friend for my wig styling appointment. I wasn't nervous about this. I was actually excited to see what my new style will be. It took about 2 hours to complete the process. The gentleman working with me was very nice and patient with me. I am satisfied with the wig in the end. I think it will work!
Before heading home, I needed to stop by my friends' house (The Campbells) to pick up my boys. When I pulled up to their house, there were several kids out playing together. I saw a stand at the end of the driveway that I thought was a lemonade stand. When I parked, the kids were running towards my car and I said to my friend in the car, "Uh oh, what are they going to sell us?". We got out of the car and they were holding a banner that I couldn't read and then Maggie Campbell handed me a basket and there was a picture of me in it...a big head shot of me. :( Things were not clicking until Maggie's mom (Beth) started to explain that Maggie made several bows out of duct tape and was outside all day selling them to raise money to help pay for my wig. I was shocked and overcome with tears for the thoughtfulness of this nine year old girl to want to help me however she could. It brings tears to my eyes now just remembering that moment. The sweet thing was that my boys were there to help out and wave down cars as they were driving by. What an experience for them to be able to be a part of that. Thank you, Maggie, for your warm, generous and kind heart. I am in awe of you! She raised $56.41 for me by selling her duct tape bows for $.50 each. Unbelievable!
The boys were wired after that experience and told me all about how they helped out. Aden was impressed with Maggie as well. He said, "Can you believe Maggie was outside all day selling her bows to give money to you for your breast cancer?" Kalen showed me the banner. I will definitely be hanging it up somewhere in the house to display. There were still some bows leftover and Kalen was showing me all of them and wanted to put them all in my hair. I let him put two in then and said he could put all of them in my wig tomorrow night. He is very much looking forward to doing that.
That was my amazing day! We will see how tomorrow afternoon goes when all of my hair is gone. The anxiety is building!
It wasn't until today that the reality of my diagnosis became front and center once again. I drove down to Jeff City with a friend for my wig styling appointment. I wasn't nervous about this. I was actually excited to see what my new style will be. It took about 2 hours to complete the process. The gentleman working with me was very nice and patient with me. I am satisfied with the wig in the end. I think it will work!
Before heading home, I needed to stop by my friends' house (The Campbells) to pick up my boys. When I pulled up to their house, there were several kids out playing together. I saw a stand at the end of the driveway that I thought was a lemonade stand. When I parked, the kids were running towards my car and I said to my friend in the car, "Uh oh, what are they going to sell us?". We got out of the car and they were holding a banner that I couldn't read and then Maggie Campbell handed me a basket and there was a picture of me in it...a big head shot of me. :( Things were not clicking until Maggie's mom (Beth) started to explain that Maggie made several bows out of duct tape and was outside all day selling them to raise money to help pay for my wig. I was shocked and overcome with tears for the thoughtfulness of this nine year old girl to want to help me however she could. It brings tears to my eyes now just remembering that moment. The sweet thing was that my boys were there to help out and wave down cars as they were driving by. What an experience for them to be able to be a part of that. Thank you, Maggie, for your warm, generous and kind heart. I am in awe of you! She raised $56.41 for me by selling her duct tape bows for $.50 each. Unbelievable!
The boys were wired after that experience and told me all about how they helped out. Aden was impressed with Maggie as well. He said, "Can you believe Maggie was outside all day selling her bows to give money to you for your breast cancer?" Kalen showed me the banner. I will definitely be hanging it up somewhere in the house to display. There were still some bows leftover and Kalen was showing me all of them and wanted to put them all in my hair. I let him put two in then and said he could put all of them in my wig tomorrow night. He is very much looking forward to doing that.
That was my amazing day! We will see how tomorrow afternoon goes when all of my hair is gone. The anxiety is building!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Better Explanation of Treatment Plan
I'm one of those cool people now...I am at Panera eating a pastry and typing on my...actually borrowed...laptop. (Thanks again Lori M.!!!)
I know several of you are/were asking "Why chemo first?" and I wasn't very good at explaining why partly because I did not fully understand it myself. I met with my surgeon today and she helped explain my treatment plan very well to the point that I can explain it more clearly to you now...hopefully.
There were various factors to why my doctors recommended chemo first:
Young
I wish that were true but this means that I am premenopausal. The reason why I am having chemo is mostly because it is just part of the treatment plan but also because I am "young" and chemo will help to minimize long term risk of systemic disease (cancer in rest of body).
Heal Faster after Surgery
Since chemo will be completed, I am more than likely to heal faster after the mastectomy.
More Time for Decision Making
There are decisions that still need to be made:
Gene Counseling/Testing
Chemo first allows me the time to have genetic testing and make a final decision as to whether or not to take both breasts. If it is positive, I will have both taken and then in the same surgery, I would have my ovaries taken as well. This would allow fewer surgeries for me. I am still leaning towards having both taken regardless because I like symmetry and it would be awkward for me to be lopsided.
Reconstruction
I have more time to research and decide whether or not to have reconstructive surgery. If I decide to, then during the mastectomy surgery, implants would be placed under my pectoral muscles to expand the muscle and skin over time. Supposedly the expansion process may take two or three years to complete. This process would not start until after healing from the radiation treatments.
I think I have fully explained it...but now I am sure you have more and different questions, so feel free to ask.
Take care!!
I know several of you are/were asking "Why chemo first?" and I wasn't very good at explaining why partly because I did not fully understand it myself. I met with my surgeon today and she helped explain my treatment plan very well to the point that I can explain it more clearly to you now...hopefully.
There were various factors to why my doctors recommended chemo first:
Young
I wish that were true but this means that I am premenopausal. The reason why I am having chemo is mostly because it is just part of the treatment plan but also because I am "young" and chemo will help to minimize long term risk of systemic disease (cancer in rest of body).
Heal Faster after Surgery
Since chemo will be completed, I am more than likely to heal faster after the mastectomy.
More Time for Decision Making
There are decisions that still need to be made:
Gene Counseling/Testing
Chemo first allows me the time to have genetic testing and make a final decision as to whether or not to take both breasts. If it is positive, I will have both taken and then in the same surgery, I would have my ovaries taken as well. This would allow fewer surgeries for me. I am still leaning towards having both taken regardless because I like symmetry and it would be awkward for me to be lopsided.
Reconstruction
I have more time to research and decide whether or not to have reconstructive surgery. If I decide to, then during the mastectomy surgery, implants would be placed under my pectoral muscles to expand the muscle and skin over time. Supposedly the expansion process may take two or three years to complete. This process would not start until after healing from the radiation treatments.
I think I have fully explained it...but now I am sure you have more and different questions, so feel free to ask.
Take care!!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Trying to Keep You Updated
Today, Monday, has been a good day!!!!!! I had enough energy to organize a few things around the house and work on my organizing sideline business. Ask me about Clever Container if you are interested!!!! Now is the time to start organizing for the upcoming school year. Organization = Peace! Shameless plug...but it is my blog. :) It felt good to be productive!
The first treatment appears to have taken 3 1/2 day out of me. I still have some nausea issues and it has been hard to figure out what to eat. I think my biggest issue that took me out most of the time was diarrhea. I know...you're thinking GROSS, but I want to document what I experience through this journey and unfortunately diarrhea is in my most recent vocabulary. I didn't realize how much "the D word" can take you out. I thought it was nausea most of the time and was taking the medication for it but it wasn't helping until I figured out I needed to take Imodium. So far so good! OK, I will get off that subject. ;)
I noticed in the shower yesterday...no, I did not take a shower today...that a little more hair than usual ended up in my fingers and then clogging the drain. I got this sickening feeling in my stomach, I will call that anxiety, knowing that losing my hair is really going to happen. Even though I have prepared and planned the process on my own terms, it still sickens me. I do look forward to the extra time in my getting-ready routine, but so far that is the only thing I find positive about it.
Oh, I did finally remember to call for my lymph node biopsy results on Friday. From what I can recall and will get more details on Wednesday, it turns out it has micrometastasized. That means cancer cells have spread in groups that are still so small they can be seen only under a microscope. The first node that had the mole-like thing to it had a couple of cancer cells in it, but the second one was clean. This means that when radiation begins, they will radiate a larger area than initially thought.
The next news that I will be waiting on is whether or not I have the cancer gene BRCA. When that time comes, I will ask for enormous amounts of prayers. I'm still not sure when that process will start.
That's all I have tonight! Looking forward to lunch tomorrow with a friend and getting the van repaired. Hopefully another productive day!!!
Love to you all!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Bad Days
I have been out of commission the last 30 hours with nausea and tiredness the whole time. I do not like this one bit! All that sleeping hurts my body. My muscles get stiff and my back locks up. I'm going to have to figure out a strategy for the next treatment to hopefully subside some of these effects.
Wednesday
After each chemo treatment, I have to go back in after 24 hours to take a Neulasta shot which is to help increase the red blood cells in my bone marrow. The side effects are bone aches in the larger bones like the thighs, pelvis and sternum. I was not affected by it that day. I was able to go to my church's (Woodcrest) Baptism event. It is a wonderful experience to hear the stories of young and old as to how they found Christ and to see them be submerged in water to show the world their commitment to Christ. Very emotional stuff!
Thursday
Very, very bad day. I haven't felt that bad in quite some time. John goes into work between 6:30 and 7:00 each morning so I am responsible for getting the boys breakfast and lunches together before camp. It was so hard to get out of bed to do that. The boys are very, very helpful though. They can get themselves ready and get their lunches together. I just have to make their breakfast. I am so proud of how they are handling my sickness right now. I have a gracious friend who picks the boys up to take them to camp. That has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks, Brad!
I hardly ate anything all day. Nothing sounded good and I couldn't get myself out of bed to make anything. Like I said a horrible day when I don't get to eat! :) I really do not remember much about yesterday since I slept the majority of the time.
Friday
It was not as hard to get out of bed to get the boys breakfast except that I was extremely tired. I didn't have the nausea at first. Thought I could eat but only ate half of half a bagel. (I know I could of said a fourth but didn't.) As soon as Brad picked them up, I was back in bed. John came home about 11:30 to check on me and made me some lunch. I'm still in the process of trying to eat a PB&J sandwich. Not sure I will finish it. I'm awake though!!! I'm able to finally send out a post! I hope I can stay awake and maybe go for a walk. Devo, our 11 year old Whippet, would appreciate that!!
Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers.
Oh, next chemo treatment is Wednesday, August 22.
Wednesday
After each chemo treatment, I have to go back in after 24 hours to take a Neulasta shot which is to help increase the red blood cells in my bone marrow. The side effects are bone aches in the larger bones like the thighs, pelvis and sternum. I was not affected by it that day. I was able to go to my church's (Woodcrest) Baptism event. It is a wonderful experience to hear the stories of young and old as to how they found Christ and to see them be submerged in water to show the world their commitment to Christ. Very emotional stuff!
Thursday
Very, very bad day. I haven't felt that bad in quite some time. John goes into work between 6:30 and 7:00 each morning so I am responsible for getting the boys breakfast and lunches together before camp. It was so hard to get out of bed to do that. The boys are very, very helpful though. They can get themselves ready and get their lunches together. I just have to make their breakfast. I am so proud of how they are handling my sickness right now. I have a gracious friend who picks the boys up to take them to camp. That has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks, Brad!
I hardly ate anything all day. Nothing sounded good and I couldn't get myself out of bed to make anything. Like I said a horrible day when I don't get to eat! :) I really do not remember much about yesterday since I slept the majority of the time.
Friday
It was not as hard to get out of bed to get the boys breakfast except that I was extremely tired. I didn't have the nausea at first. Thought I could eat but only ate half of half a bagel. (I know I could of said a fourth but didn't.) As soon as Brad picked them up, I was back in bed. John came home about 11:30 to check on me and made me some lunch. I'm still in the process of trying to eat a PB&J sandwich. Not sure I will finish it. I'm awake though!!! I'm able to finally send out a post! I hope I can stay awake and maybe go for a walk. Devo, our 11 year old Whippet, would appreciate that!!
Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers.
Oh, next chemo treatment is Wednesday, August 22.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
First Treatment
Once again it has been an early morning for me. Up at 6:00 a.m. to get ready for a day of unexpectancies. My friend Becky was gracious enough to get up early and drive me to Missouri Cancer Associates (MCA). I had several other wonderful offers but she beat everyone to the punch. This could be fun for me to put something out last minute and see who has the fastest fingers or internet. :) I'm kidding...I don't have that deviousness in me.
Started the morning with a "teach" at 8:15 a.m. to go over my different medications and their side effects. There is definitely a lot to all of this. John showed up at the end of that to be with me during treatment. Next blood was drawn to check my counts. Then it was time for treatment.
I had my port put in last Friday so the steri-strips are still over my incision. When the nurse needed to access the port, the strips were in the way so she had to pull them off. OUCH!! John was sitting beside me squirming and wincing. She told me that all the pain I was going through now was going to make the "stick" less painful. True but it still hurt. Once I was plugged in, saline was dripped in for 30 minutes to flush the port. Next came the steroid and nausea medicine for 15 minutes. Then came the actual chemo. There were two different kinds used. The first one was red and was being pushed in by the nurse for 5 minutes. Then the second one was dripped in for 1 hour.
I didn't feel any different during the process. I got to eat Cheese-Its and Animal Crackers. John was great through the whole thing. He was able to still work but also take care of me. Love this guy!!!!
I needed to use the restroom during the process because of all the saline. I had to push the pump with me into the bathroom. That was a little awkward. It was hard to navigate and I definitely looked like a rookie. :) At one point, I looked like I was pole dancing because I got tangled up with it. :)
All in all, this treatment took a total of 4 1/2 hours from arriving to leaving. WOW! I'm feeling good and hope that that will continue. The nurses have me set up with a regiment of medications to stave off any nausea. I hope it works!! I'm not nauseous right now...I'm eating some of my mom's seven layer dip for lunch. :)
Thank you for the prayers and thoughts...they are working.
Love to all
Started the morning with a "teach" at 8:15 a.m. to go over my different medications and their side effects. There is definitely a lot to all of this. John showed up at the end of that to be with me during treatment. Next blood was drawn to check my counts. Then it was time for treatment.
I had my port put in last Friday so the steri-strips are still over my incision. When the nurse needed to access the port, the strips were in the way so she had to pull them off. OUCH!! John was sitting beside me squirming and wincing. She told me that all the pain I was going through now was going to make the "stick" less painful. True but it still hurt. Once I was plugged in, saline was dripped in for 30 minutes to flush the port. Next came the steroid and nausea medicine for 15 minutes. Then came the actual chemo. There were two different kinds used. The first one was red and was being pushed in by the nurse for 5 minutes. Then the second one was dripped in for 1 hour.
I didn't feel any different during the process. I got to eat Cheese-Its and Animal Crackers. John was great through the whole thing. He was able to still work but also take care of me. Love this guy!!!!
I needed to use the restroom during the process because of all the saline. I had to push the pump with me into the bathroom. That was a little awkward. It was hard to navigate and I definitely looked like a rookie. :) At one point, I looked like I was pole dancing because I got tangled up with it. :)
All in all, this treatment took a total of 4 1/2 hours from arriving to leaving. WOW! I'm feeling good and hope that that will continue. The nurses have me set up with a regiment of medications to stave off any nausea. I hope it works!! I'm not nauseous right now...I'm eating some of my mom's seven layer dip for lunch. :)
Thank you for the prayers and thoughts...they are working.
Love to all
Monday, August 6, 2012
Chemo and Other Dates
Today has been a good day for me. I went to lunch at Pickleman's with a friend. I wanted to get that in before treatment; just in case. I got a pedicure...green can you believe it! :) I will have dinner with my family tonight and then the boys are going to my sister's to sleep over before heading off to Big Surf in the morning. I'm so excited for them...actually I'm more excited about them stopping the countdown. That has been going on for a couple of weeks now. ;) No...I love to see them excited about things!
My chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning Tuesday, August 7. I'm anxious to get the ball rolling. I don't want to think anymore about how I will be feeling during my treatments; I just want to start and see what happens. I have a class first to talk about chemo and the various side effects and then I am given my first dose. I'm not sure how long it will take, but it sounds like it may be a long day.
I forgot to mention that Saturday, August 4 I went to see a wig guy (not sure what they are called). He is from Jefferson City and the first wig I tried on was the one, at least color-wise. I go back there Saturday, August 18 to have it cut and styled to suit me. He said he will probably need 2 hours, so I hope I am feeling okay for a daunting day like that. I'm kinda excited about it though. More excited that insurance will cover a wig because they are not cheap...$325 for the one I am getting. I should go the route my youngest son suggested. This morning he said, "You don't need to buy a wig. We could make one out of dried spaghetti noodles and then paint them brown." Then he started laughing. That is my little inventor and comedian!! I hope to have the courage to wear fun hats and scarves also. It's not in my nature to be blingy or standout. Subtlety is my game. Maybe this is another test for me...to come out of my shell and be known, however the attention is drawn. :)
I plan to donate my hair to Locks of Love before shaving it all off. I don't want it to go to waste. I grew it out for a very long time. I will be having a party with a few select friends on Sunday, August 19 to support me while I do this scary transformation. I would love to invite all of you and throw a big party...I did think of that early on...but when I really thought about it...it scared me to have to be that vulnerable with so many people. I don't think I will process it like I need to if so many were around. I would like a slew of uplifting prayers for this day. This part seems to be the most traumatic to me right now.
Hopefully, I will feel up to it to talk about tomorrow's treatment.
My chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning Tuesday, August 7. I'm anxious to get the ball rolling. I don't want to think anymore about how I will be feeling during my treatments; I just want to start and see what happens. I have a class first to talk about chemo and the various side effects and then I am given my first dose. I'm not sure how long it will take, but it sounds like it may be a long day.
I forgot to mention that Saturday, August 4 I went to see a wig guy (not sure what they are called). He is from Jefferson City and the first wig I tried on was the one, at least color-wise. I go back there Saturday, August 18 to have it cut and styled to suit me. He said he will probably need 2 hours, so I hope I am feeling okay for a daunting day like that. I'm kinda excited about it though. More excited that insurance will cover a wig because they are not cheap...$325 for the one I am getting. I should go the route my youngest son suggested. This morning he said, "You don't need to buy a wig. We could make one out of dried spaghetti noodles and then paint them brown." Then he started laughing. That is my little inventor and comedian!! I hope to have the courage to wear fun hats and scarves also. It's not in my nature to be blingy or standout. Subtlety is my game. Maybe this is another test for me...to come out of my shell and be known, however the attention is drawn. :)
I plan to donate my hair to Locks of Love before shaving it all off. I don't want it to go to waste. I grew it out for a very long time. I will be having a party with a few select friends on Sunday, August 19 to support me while I do this scary transformation. I would love to invite all of you and throw a big party...I did think of that early on...but when I really thought about it...it scared me to have to be that vulnerable with so many people. I don't think I will process it like I need to if so many were around. I would like a slew of uplifting prayers for this day. This part seems to be the most traumatic to me right now.
Hopefully, I will feel up to it to talk about tomorrow's treatment.
Post-op Update
Here are the details I promised.
Friday
It had been a very long day for me. I was awake at 5:00 a.m. and got to the hospital by 6:45 a.m. I was hungry and tired. More noticeable during all the wait time. However, I can't complain too much about the wait because in actuality things moved along really well.
First was the Sentinel Lymph Node procedure. Of all the procedures, that was the least painful. They numbed the area just under my nipple and then injected the dye. (I told you I was going to give details.) I was sent back out to the waiting room for an hour to give the dye time to travel to the nodes and then went in for imaging to see if the dye showed up. Almost but not fully, so sent back to wait for half an hour. After that time they could mark one for dissection during surgery. It ended up only taking two hours instead of three...good sign.
I was sent into surgery prep just 15 minutes after the Sentinel. Had to get all hooked up with IV and monitors and wait my turn. During the wait, I had to explain to four different doctors what my surgery consisted of for that day. Slightly annoying, however, I appreciated their thoroughness and accuracy before putting me under. My husband, dad, oldest sister and a friend kept me company and laughing during the wait. I wasn't nervous at all. I have been through surgery before so the uncertainty wasn't present for me this time. I think it was the prayers also!
When I finally woke up, I got to see John and see the relief on his face. I hate that he has to go through this. My neck was in a lot of pain and I was hungry. Crackers never tasted so good!! That night at home, I wasn't feeling too bad. I was groggy and my upper abs and the top of my legs where they connect to the hips were very sore. I'm not sure why that was. I ate well (very good tacos Brad & Patty)...didn't sleep well. I felt bad for John that he was up every two hours either to give me a drink of water, pain pills or help me up to go to the bathroom. I love him so very much for being by my side through this and for what is to come.
My sister was very kind to take the boys home with her Friday night so that I could rest. It was very helpful and needed!
Saturday
I slept off and on throughout the day so it was a blur. When the Vicodin kicked in, I would become relaxed and sleepy. It didn't help much with the pain so I was taking Ibuprofen as well. I finally got out of bed at 10 a.m. to eat breakfast. John made me some waffles. I was very hungry, but the first bite I took, I felt very woozy. I ran into the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up but it ended up just being nausea and sweating. I did not like that feeling at all. Thank goodness my nurse had prescribed me nausea medicine for when chemo started. Those help right away. Not a good sign of things to come...it was an awful feeling!
I still had a lot of pain in between my neck and shoulder. I believe it is from the port-a-cath wires. I could only sleep on my back or my left side, so that has been kinda miserable. My boys stayed with my parents Saturday night, so once again that was very helpful.
That is about all that I remember of Saturday, since I slept through most of it.
Sunday
I was home by myself until 3:00. It was peaceful. Still slept off and on but each day I was feeling less pain. Still do not understand why my abs and hips hurt. It made it more difficult to get out of bed because of my abs. Crazy!
I ate a late breakfast but did not eat lunch...to lazy to do it. A couple from church brought us KFC for dinner. It was so sweet of them to do that! The boys loved it and I ate my share as well since I did skip a meal! :)
I slept pretty well during the night and am up and about trying to get a few things done...like my posts!!!!
More to come....
Friday
It had been a very long day for me. I was awake at 5:00 a.m. and got to the hospital by 6:45 a.m. I was hungry and tired. More noticeable during all the wait time. However, I can't complain too much about the wait because in actuality things moved along really well.
First was the Sentinel Lymph Node procedure. Of all the procedures, that was the least painful. They numbed the area just under my nipple and then injected the dye. (I told you I was going to give details.) I was sent back out to the waiting room for an hour to give the dye time to travel to the nodes and then went in for imaging to see if the dye showed up. Almost but not fully, so sent back to wait for half an hour. After that time they could mark one for dissection during surgery. It ended up only taking two hours instead of three...good sign.
I was sent into surgery prep just 15 minutes after the Sentinel. Had to get all hooked up with IV and monitors and wait my turn. During the wait, I had to explain to four different doctors what my surgery consisted of for that day. Slightly annoying, however, I appreciated their thoroughness and accuracy before putting me under. My husband, dad, oldest sister and a friend kept me company and laughing during the wait. I wasn't nervous at all. I have been through surgery before so the uncertainty wasn't present for me this time. I think it was the prayers also!
When I finally woke up, I got to see John and see the relief on his face. I hate that he has to go through this. My neck was in a lot of pain and I was hungry. Crackers never tasted so good!! That night at home, I wasn't feeling too bad. I was groggy and my upper abs and the top of my legs where they connect to the hips were very sore. I'm not sure why that was. I ate well (very good tacos Brad & Patty)...didn't sleep well. I felt bad for John that he was up every two hours either to give me a drink of water, pain pills or help me up to go to the bathroom. I love him so very much for being by my side through this and for what is to come.
My sister was very kind to take the boys home with her Friday night so that I could rest. It was very helpful and needed!
Saturday
I slept off and on throughout the day so it was a blur. When the Vicodin kicked in, I would become relaxed and sleepy. It didn't help much with the pain so I was taking Ibuprofen as well. I finally got out of bed at 10 a.m. to eat breakfast. John made me some waffles. I was very hungry, but the first bite I took, I felt very woozy. I ran into the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up but it ended up just being nausea and sweating. I did not like that feeling at all. Thank goodness my nurse had prescribed me nausea medicine for when chemo started. Those help right away. Not a good sign of things to come...it was an awful feeling!
I still had a lot of pain in between my neck and shoulder. I believe it is from the port-a-cath wires. I could only sleep on my back or my left side, so that has been kinda miserable. My boys stayed with my parents Saturday night, so once again that was very helpful.
That is about all that I remember of Saturday, since I slept through most of it.
Sunday
I was home by myself until 3:00. It was peaceful. Still slept off and on but each day I was feeling less pain. Still do not understand why my abs and hips hurt. It made it more difficult to get out of bed because of my abs. Crazy!
I ate a late breakfast but did not eat lunch...to lazy to do it. A couple from church brought us KFC for dinner. It was so sweet of them to do that! The boys loved it and I ate my share as well since I did skip a meal! :)
I slept pretty well during the night and am up and about trying to get a few things done...like my posts!!!!
More to come....
Friday, August 3, 2012
Surgery Update (Cliff Notes Version)
I was hoping to have a full post tonight but I'm in some pain and zoning out while I type. Vicodin is wearing off. :(
Surgery went well. I was sedated with tube in throat (under further than originally thought)...2 lymph nodes removed...1 clear and 1 being tested further. They think it is fine, but since there is a mole-type lesion (capsular nevus) on the inside of the node, they want to rule out any cancer cells in it. I will know the results of that either Tues. or Wed....porto-cath placed. Surgery itself took 1 1/2 hours. From start of surgery to leaving the hospital took 4 1/2 hours. It took me a little while to wake up from anesthesia but I needed the sleep. :) From start of the day to going home took 9 hours.
The porto-cath placed on my right side is much more painful than the incision under my left arm. I have pain in my neck and shoulder. It is very stiff and I can't really use it. My throat is sore from the tube but all in all I can't complain. ;)
I almost didn't make it through this because my eyes are so heavy. Wanted to fill you in with some information but must stop now. More to come with more details.
Good night (hopefully)!
Surgery went well. I was sedated with tube in throat (under further than originally thought)...2 lymph nodes removed...1 clear and 1 being tested further. They think it is fine, but since there is a mole-type lesion (capsular nevus) on the inside of the node, they want to rule out any cancer cells in it. I will know the results of that either Tues. or Wed....porto-cath placed. Surgery itself took 1 1/2 hours. From start of surgery to leaving the hospital took 4 1/2 hours. It took me a little while to wake up from anesthesia but I needed the sleep. :) From start of the day to going home took 9 hours.
The porto-cath placed on my right side is much more painful than the incision under my left arm. I have pain in my neck and shoulder. It is very stiff and I can't really use it. My throat is sore from the tube but all in all I can't complain. ;)
I almost didn't make it through this because my eyes are so heavy. Wanted to fill you in with some information but must stop now. More to come with more details.
Good night (hopefully)!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
PET Scan Results
GOOD NEWS! The Pet Scan was good. It does not appear that any cancer cells have spread anywhere else! Thank you all for your prayers. John and I can breath a little easier now.
Surgery
I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow Friday, August 3 @ 10:45 a.m. at Boone Hospital. I will have the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy procedure to test whether any of my nodes have cancer cells in them. They are for sure cutting out one and the blue dye test will determine if there will be more removed to test. Also the porta-cath will be placed. This is an out-patient surgery, so I will get to recover in my own bed.
It's going to be an early morning for me. I have to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m. to start the dye treatment. This is the three hour procedure I have mentioned before.
I will start chemo next week. I still have to determine the day. Sounds like I may be very sick the first day and the next. Will just have to wait and see how my body responds to it.
I did get some bad news...while on chemo, I will not lose weight just because of the chemo; I will more than likely gain weight. That was quite disappointing to me since that was one of my positive outlooks of all of this. :) Guess I will have to do the hard work myself to change my diet. SUCKS!!!
Little cranky...I haven't eaten for 12 hours. I get to fill my belly with some food that friends are bringing over to us. Can't wait. Then no food or drink after 11:00.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers!
LOVE to All
Surgery
I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow Friday, August 3 @ 10:45 a.m. at Boone Hospital. I will have the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy procedure to test whether any of my nodes have cancer cells in them. They are for sure cutting out one and the blue dye test will determine if there will be more removed to test. Also the porta-cath will be placed. This is an out-patient surgery, so I will get to recover in my own bed.
It's going to be an early morning for me. I have to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m. to start the dye treatment. This is the three hour procedure I have mentioned before.
I will start chemo next week. I still have to determine the day. Sounds like I may be very sick the first day and the next. Will just have to wait and see how my body responds to it.
I did get some bad news...while on chemo, I will not lose weight just because of the chemo; I will more than likely gain weight. That was quite disappointing to me since that was one of my positive outlooks of all of this. :) Guess I will have to do the hard work myself to change my diet. SUCKS!!!
Little cranky...I haven't eaten for 12 hours. I get to fill my belly with some food that friends are bringing over to us. Can't wait. Then no food or drink after 11:00.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers!
LOVE to All
Waiting
As I sit and wait to visit with the doctor to go over the results, I thought I would post something.
I have had a busy week trying to prepare for the unexpected. Most of you know that I am a planner and organizer. I like to know what is coming ahead and be prepared for it. I have been working with a select few to help me with coordinating various things. I so appreciate their willingness to help me in this area.
The abundance of love I have been feeling from all of you has been awesome. I know I have said it before, but I will continue to do my best to let you know how much John and I appreciate everything.
Oh time for me to go. Will let you know results soon.
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