Going back to the beginning to talk about recovery will almost be impossible to recollect and is probably why it has taken me so long to post this. I will recall what I can and it will probably be in tidbits so that I can share the most important parts with you.
The quickest way to sum up my recovery from major surgery is PAINFUL, DIFFICULT, FRUSTRATING, SLOW, PAINFUL, UNCOMFORTABLE, APPRECIATIVE. I know most of those are negative projections of my recovery but that is because I am still in it. It has been just shy of 3 weeks and I believe I will still have another 3 to get full use of my arms.
Hospital Recovery
There are only a few things that I remember from being in the hospital after surgery and the main one was excruciating pain. I'm not sure that adjective truly defines my pain level but you thing about the highest level of pain possible and I believe I felt it. I was highly medicated with morphine, but it did not relieve my pain. The nurses had to get a special order from my doctor for an IV pain medication called Dilaudid and it did help immensely, but in only 4 hour increments. Because this drug was in IV form, I had to be able to tolerate the pain with pills like Percacet and Valium before I could go home and that is why I was in the hospital for three nights.
The thing I hated the most about staying at the hospital is that they made me get up to pee. I was helpless, I could not use my arms to push myself up out of bed. I was completely reliant on the nurses to use sheets to move me into position and then for me to use my legs to get up. That process was soooo painful! It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it. You can image the number of times you would need to get up and pee in a three day period. I would hold it as long as I possibly could. When I let John know that I needed to go, I would begin to cry because I knew the amount of pain I was going to be in. Also, having many different nurses due to shift changes using there own techniques once I got one down with the previous nurses was frustrating and made me angry. (I think I was polite every other time.) By the end, I was having John and my Dad help me because I could trust them more and they saw how painful it was for me each time, so they took extra precautions to ease the pain if they could. Come to think about it...I don't know how that all worked out at home. I will have to ask John later because I don't remember.
Home Recovery
I do not remember preparing to go home, the ride home or most of the first week. I was in such a haze from pain medication that that time has been taken away from me except what John can tell me and maybe I can recall. Oh, I remember seeing a recliner in my living room and that has been where I have slept and still sleep. I can't wait to give your chair back, Dad, but what a thoughtful and precious gift to have because I don't know how I could have managed without it.
I was completely helpless for two weeks. I needed help with everything and I mean everything. I was proud of how I was accepting of the help and not fighting it. I did/do not feel like I have been lazy or taking advantage of the situation (except maybe a few times). I know some of you are thinking how could anyone think that in such a time, but that was my thing before cancer. I was very proud and did not need help from others. I was strong enough to do things on my own. Now as I reflect, all I did was prolong the healing and stave off wonderful friends and family from support. I am a much more humble person now and that is not a bad thing.
Appreciative was among my recovery process. I have this keen awareness of many, many things I have taken for granted because it has been taken from me. Not having the use or the full use of both arms limits or has limited my ability to do things for myself. A few off the top of my head...feeding myself...brushing my teeth...washing myself...reaching for anything that was above my shoulders (now I am at the point of not being able to reach over my head). Having pectoral muscles cut has made it difficult or impossible to...spring up out of my chair...lay on my side or stomach...sneeze...open things (especially pill bottles)...have a good long stretch after waking up in the morning...squeeze my husband and children the way I want to so badly hug them. I can declare that the mastectomies are much harder and longer to recover from than the reduction. I was only out of work for three days along with the weekend with the reduction.
I am also appreciative of the help and support through all of this. The meals, the check-ins and kind words of encouragement. Especially grateful to John's mom who has been staying with us and helping with the cooking and caring for the boys among so many other things. It has taken worry off of my mind as I recover.
At this point...
I am able to use my arms more and more but not completely. I can finally take care of my own personal hygiene. I can't drive yet. Oh, I have hair growing back. That has been going on for about two weeks now. My head looks like a fuzz ball. The hair on my legs are growing back. :( I did end up losing my eyebrows and eyelashes and they are just now starting to grow back in.
What's Next...
This Wednesday, January 2nd, will be three weeks after surgery, and I will have my stitches removed and expanded once again. I think the expansion will be a weekly process or as long as I can handle the discomfort from the stretching.
That's all for now! Happy a very happy and safe New Year!!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Boob Talk
My husband unwittingly shared some information in his post. It is no fault to him because he knew I was going to talk about it at some point, but I ran out of time before surgery came along. I debated for some time whether or not to share about my breast reduction because of its very personal nature, however, I am trying to be as open as possible with the happenings in my life. Also, after all that I have gone through so far, modesty with my breasts went out the window awhile ago.
I have had a love/hate relationship with my breasts. I was happy that I was endowed, however, not happy that I was over-endowed. I am/was an athletic person and my boobs were a hindrance while playing sports. Also, I was suffering with back pain and seeing a chiropractor regularly for years.
Two and a half years ago, I opted to have a breast reduction. Before my reduction I was a cup size "F" (that is not a typo...that is "F" as in F-REAL! :) ). When I was pregnant with my second child, I was at my largest size "I". I didn't know that those sizes existed until I got them! The reduction brought me down to a "D" and I was happy with that. The doctor actually wouldn't go any lower because he thought reducing them any smaller would affect the overall look after the healing. I didn't share this with very many people because this was before my personal breakthrough of share myself with others.
Ironically, I am down to nothing...for now. I went from a "DD" to a training bra. I will go into my recovery in another post. Just yesterday they were able to add some fluid to my tissue expanders. The expanders are quite hard and weird feeling to the touch but those will be removed eventually. There is a port in the expander that is detected by magnet and then marked for the very large needle to be inserted. Entering the expander port site feels much different from the chemo port site. It felt more like a lot of pressure at the site and then as the fluid is being pushed in. The chemo entry was much more of a stinking pain. I don't like it either way, but will take the expander insertion over the chemo ones. John was at the appointment and he said it looked like they filled each breast with about 50 cc of fluid which in other words he thought was a lot. It doesn't appear to be a lot from the looks afterward.
I was debating on whether to go with a size "C" or "D" before all this happened. John said my plastic surgeon decided to implant the larger size because most women with large breast have a hard time going down to a small size. I find that hard to believe, but all in all it was the best decision because he doesn't have to fill then all the way up. I can make the decision to go larger when that time comes.
Next Wednesday I go back to have my stitches removed and more fluids inserted. Hopefully, there will be more normalcy after that happens.
I promise to make a post really soon about my recovery progress. I hope tomorrow but had to make this post for clarification.
I have had a love/hate relationship with my breasts. I was happy that I was endowed, however, not happy that I was over-endowed. I am/was an athletic person and my boobs were a hindrance while playing sports. Also, I was suffering with back pain and seeing a chiropractor regularly for years.
Two and a half years ago, I opted to have a breast reduction. Before my reduction I was a cup size "F" (that is not a typo...that is "F" as in F-REAL! :) ). When I was pregnant with my second child, I was at my largest size "I". I didn't know that those sizes existed until I got them! The reduction brought me down to a "D" and I was happy with that. The doctor actually wouldn't go any lower because he thought reducing them any smaller would affect the overall look after the healing. I didn't share this with very many people because this was before my personal breakthrough of share myself with others.
Ironically, I am down to nothing...for now. I went from a "DD" to a training bra. I will go into my recovery in another post. Just yesterday they were able to add some fluid to my tissue expanders. The expanders are quite hard and weird feeling to the touch but those will be removed eventually. There is a port in the expander that is detected by magnet and then marked for the very large needle to be inserted. Entering the expander port site feels much different from the chemo port site. It felt more like a lot of pressure at the site and then as the fluid is being pushed in. The chemo entry was much more of a stinking pain. I don't like it either way, but will take the expander insertion over the chemo ones. John was at the appointment and he said it looked like they filled each breast with about 50 cc of fluid which in other words he thought was a lot. It doesn't appear to be a lot from the looks afterward.
I was debating on whether to go with a size "C" or "D" before all this happened. John said my plastic surgeon decided to implant the larger size because most women with large breast have a hard time going down to a small size. I find that hard to believe, but all in all it was the best decision because he doesn't have to fill then all the way up. I can make the decision to go larger when that time comes.
Next Wednesday I go back to have my stitches removed and more fluids inserted. Hopefully, there will be more normalcy after that happens.
I promise to make a post really soon about my recovery progress. I hope tomorrow but had to make this post for clarification.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Surgery Day
Hello to all. I'm Christina's husband, John. I just want to update everyone.
Christina and I arrived at the hospital a little after 8am. Her mom and dad were already there greeting us at the door. We waited for about 20 minutes before they called Christina in to be prepped. By a little after 9am, she was allowed to have visitors until surgery time. Her sister, Mary DePriest had arrived around this time as well. Surgery was supposed to start around 10am. As of yesterday, our surgeon had thought it was at 10:30 until she was informed 10am by her staff. She tried to adjust the schedule the best that she could and ended up arriving just before 11am. The waiting before surgery started was hard for me. I was very anxious during the wait. Christina was in good spirit. During the wait, a doctor explained everything that was going to happen and the state she would be in when she woke. We were actually in the same prep room as when she had her breast reduction surgery (I guess it's the plastic surgeon's favorite room.)
The bilateral mastectomy was performed first by Dr. Suppas. She thought it would take around 75 minutes, but it took approximately 105 minutes. Everything went great. She removed a couple of nodes for testing reasons which came back clean (YAY!!!!!!) The good breast was removed first and the plastic surgeon was able to begin on that side while Dr. Suppas removed the breast with cancer. I'm really grateful for Dr. Suppas. If there is a time when you want to see someone confident in what they do, it's a surgeon. She has that in spades.
Dr. Puckett is her plastic surgeon again. He was done by a little before 2pm. Everything went well with his part too. Two of his assistants were finishing the surgery, while he updated me. We are actually in his care now for the next few weeks. I had to wait until Christina was fully awake before I would see her.
I finally got to see her again at 3:38pm. Christina was in an intense amount of pain. The surgeon wants nothing to move, so she is bandaged really tight around her chest. She cannot take a big breath because of it, which she really wants to do because of the pain it is causing. For the first few minutes I was with her, her eyes were streaming with tears from the pain. They have given her some morphine, percocet, and vallium. She can only get so much until she has eaten, which she can't really do until she is moved to the in-patient room.
She is currently in room 4411 at Women's and Children's Hospital. I started this post around 5pm, but because of everything that's happened since getting to the room, I'm finishing it now after 9:30pm. I'll save some of that for another post. She was happy to finally eat her first meal of the day. Breakfast at 6:30pm (YAY!!!! again, she loves breakfast) - french toast, sausage patties, cinnamon roll, chocolate milk, and Pepsi. She was happy for that moment.
You may not have heard much from me before, and I may not have thanked some of you yet, but I'm really grateful for all the thoughts and prayers for Christina and our family. We cannot thank you enough, but we will pay and pray it forward for you. We have seen God's love through your acts and words, and we hope you are all blessed tenfold.
Love to all,
John
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Telling the Boys About Surgery
I needed to tell the boys about my upcoming surgery since they were catching bits and pieces from my conversations with others. It was just me telling them since John was not there at the time I decided to share this information. Hindsight, I would have made sure he was there to help with the explaining. I did this about a week ago.
I let them know that I was having surgery on Wednesday and would probably be in the hospital for two nights. They both looked sad and asked why. I reminded them that I have cancer in my booby and since I have finished chemo that now I have to have surgery....here we go....here comes my bluntness......to cut off my boobies. I know, I know....as soon as I said it I wished I could have taken it back. The boys looked at me with wide eyes and I had to start back-peddling and find better choices of words. I think I was able to better explain but the damage was done. I scared my boys if they were not scared already. (I need more parenting lessons!) During our talk, there were a couple of times that Aden, my oldest, would clinch his fists and shake them saying, "I just want everything back to normal." I felt so sad for him and tried to explain that this is our new normal for a while but things will get better and over time I will have my hair back and have energy to do more things with both of them.
During this journey, Aden has not shared with his friends about my cancer. I tried to encourage him to share as much as he was comfortable with so that it didn't seem like a secret. He has had friends over a few times and I would walk around without my hat. I'm sure they are confused and wonder what is wrong. I understand that by not telling anyone, then it just stays in the family and everything else is normal for him on the outside. Surprisingly, the next day after our surgery talk, he came home from school and said that he told two of his friends about my surgery coming up. He said that one of his friend's and her mom would like to make a meal for us. This was a great teaching moment...I let him know how courageous it was for him to share that with his friends and by doing that, gave his friends the opportunity to want to help and support him. A few minutes later, I get a phone call. It was the girl's mother. She has seen me bald but never asked any questions and I never just came out and told her. Anyway, she was hesitantly asking how I was doing and I told her what I was going through. She said "That makes since based on what my daughter told me. I just wanted to call and make sure what was coming from my 8-year-old's mouth was true. She told me that you were having your boobies cut off." I chuckled and told her that was true. Obviously, what I said to Aden stuck with him. I can only imagine what his other friend's parents might be thinking. :)
Even now, Aden comes up to me and hugs me and tells me he doesn't want me to have surgery. I comfort him the best that I can. I know I haven't said much about Kalen, but he doesn't say much about it. He just goes on with what he does in his world. I need to check in with him tonight to see what he is feeling or thinking.
It is going to be hard leaving them tomorrow morning. They are going to school, and I can't imagine what they might be thinking or how they will act. I have let their teachers know so I am comforted knowing that there will be some eyes on them tomorrow.
I let them know that I was having surgery on Wednesday and would probably be in the hospital for two nights. They both looked sad and asked why. I reminded them that I have cancer in my booby and since I have finished chemo that now I have to have surgery....here we go....here comes my bluntness......to cut off my boobies. I know, I know....as soon as I said it I wished I could have taken it back. The boys looked at me with wide eyes and I had to start back-peddling and find better choices of words. I think I was able to better explain but the damage was done. I scared my boys if they were not scared already. (I need more parenting lessons!) During our talk, there were a couple of times that Aden, my oldest, would clinch his fists and shake them saying, "I just want everything back to normal." I felt so sad for him and tried to explain that this is our new normal for a while but things will get better and over time I will have my hair back and have energy to do more things with both of them.
During this journey, Aden has not shared with his friends about my cancer. I tried to encourage him to share as much as he was comfortable with so that it didn't seem like a secret. He has had friends over a few times and I would walk around without my hat. I'm sure they are confused and wonder what is wrong. I understand that by not telling anyone, then it just stays in the family and everything else is normal for him on the outside. Surprisingly, the next day after our surgery talk, he came home from school and said that he told two of his friends about my surgery coming up. He said that one of his friend's and her mom would like to make a meal for us. This was a great teaching moment...I let him know how courageous it was for him to share that with his friends and by doing that, gave his friends the opportunity to want to help and support him. A few minutes later, I get a phone call. It was the girl's mother. She has seen me bald but never asked any questions and I never just came out and told her. Anyway, she was hesitantly asking how I was doing and I told her what I was going through. She said "That makes since based on what my daughter told me. I just wanted to call and make sure what was coming from my 8-year-old's mouth was true. She told me that you were having your boobies cut off." I chuckled and told her that was true. Obviously, what I said to Aden stuck with him. I can only imagine what his other friend's parents might be thinking. :)
Even now, Aden comes up to me and hugs me and tells me he doesn't want me to have surgery. I comfort him the best that I can. I know I haven't said much about Kalen, but he doesn't say much about it. He just goes on with what he does in his world. I need to check in with him tonight to see what he is feeling or thinking.
It is going to be hard leaving them tomorrow morning. They are going to school, and I can't imagine what they might be thinking or how they will act. I have let their teachers know so I am comforted knowing that there will be some eyes on them tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Surgery Scheduled
My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, December 12, 2012 at 10:00 a.m. at the Missouri Center for Outpatient Surgery which is south of, and attached to, the Women's and Children's Hospital on Keene Street. I will be admitted to the Women's and Children's Hospital after surgery for at least one night but more than likely two.
I have seen both of my doctors for pre-op. I met with my breast surgeon last week. She feels, based on my Sentinel Biopsy that was done with my first surgery, that she will not have to remove any lymph nodes. She won't know for certain until she is in there but the likelihood of her needing to is slim. This is great news!! Recovery should be a little easy just because of that. She will remove the porta-cath at that time as well.
I met with my plastic surgeon yesterday and was overwhelmed with information. I will try and explain the process the best I can. After the breast surgeon removes all of the breast tissue, then the plastic surgeon will insert tissue expanders under my pectoral muscles which will then be filled with a small amount of fluid to start the expansion. About 2 weeks later, they will fill them with more fluid to continue the expansion. They will fill with as much as they can before radiation to give me some volume since once radiation starts, they will not do anything further for at least a year. I was quite surprised by such a delay. Radiation causes the skin to become taut and tender and attempting to expand during that time would be damaging to the skin. Once they are able to start the expansion process again, they will fill to my desired size and then another surgery will be required to remove the expanders and insert the implants. Down the road there will be another surgery to create nipples. Then a procedure to tattoo on an areola so that I have an appearance of natural boobs. This will be a very long process but worth it to me in the end.
The surgery will take about 3 hours to complete: 1 hour for the breast surgeon and 2 hours for the plastic surgeon. I will have drainage tubes protruding from my body and will not be removed until 10 days later.
As you can imagine, I am nervous about the surgery and the pain I am going to experience. I have been through this before but this one seems like it will be harder on my body and take longer to recover both physically and emotionally. I know there are prayers out there for me so I don't need to ask! OK, I'm going to ask anyway...please keep me and my family in your prayers next week. :)
Love to you all!
I have seen both of my doctors for pre-op. I met with my breast surgeon last week. She feels, based on my Sentinel Biopsy that was done with my first surgery, that she will not have to remove any lymph nodes. She won't know for certain until she is in there but the likelihood of her needing to is slim. This is great news!! Recovery should be a little easy just because of that. She will remove the porta-cath at that time as well.
I met with my plastic surgeon yesterday and was overwhelmed with information. I will try and explain the process the best I can. After the breast surgeon removes all of the breast tissue, then the plastic surgeon will insert tissue expanders under my pectoral muscles which will then be filled with a small amount of fluid to start the expansion. About 2 weeks later, they will fill them with more fluid to continue the expansion. They will fill with as much as they can before radiation to give me some volume since once radiation starts, they will not do anything further for at least a year. I was quite surprised by such a delay. Radiation causes the skin to become taut and tender and attempting to expand during that time would be damaging to the skin. Once they are able to start the expansion process again, they will fill to my desired size and then another surgery will be required to remove the expanders and insert the implants. Down the road there will be another surgery to create nipples. Then a procedure to tattoo on an areola so that I have an appearance of natural boobs. This will be a very long process but worth it to me in the end.
The surgery will take about 3 hours to complete: 1 hour for the breast surgeon and 2 hours for the plastic surgeon. I will have drainage tubes protruding from my body and will not be removed until 10 days later.
As you can imagine, I am nervous about the surgery and the pain I am going to experience. I have been through this before but this one seems like it will be harder on my body and take longer to recover both physically and emotionally. I know there are prayers out there for me so I don't need to ask! OK, I'm going to ask anyway...please keep me and my family in your prayers next week. :)
Love to you all!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Chemotherapy Reflection
It has been two weeks since my last chemo treatment and I am so thankful to be done with it!! It feels great knowing that I have some energy and it will not be taken away from me any time soon. I will have two weekends in a row of energy and spending quality time with my family.
There was some aftermath with the chemo but all will return to normal soon. (Not soon enough for my oldest son.) Currently, I am almost completely hairless. You can let your mind take you where to go with that, I don't think I have to spell it out. :) I do have a little bit of hair on my forearms and my eyebrows. I have a few eyelashes on my top lids, but none on the bottom. Oh, I still have nose hairs, but some did fall out. Bet you never thought of that!! My fingers and toes have numbness and tingling from the Taxol and was told that will persist for a while. Because of this side effect, I have noticed that my fingernails are yellowish and are shaping differently. My husband says they look like witches' fingers. He's right, they are quite ugly looking. With all the physical transformations that have happened, I have appreciated how easy and quickly grooming was/is. While I was really sick, it was nice to not have to fuss over my hair.
I am grateful to my husband for being there for me through the ugly and painful times of this roller coaster ride. I'm glad it has ended so we can get off of that ride, but anxious about the next ride.
I will have my bilateral (double) mastectomy on December 12, 2012. I will make another post with more information shortly.
There was some aftermath with the chemo but all will return to normal soon. (Not soon enough for my oldest son.) Currently, I am almost completely hairless. You can let your mind take you where to go with that, I don't think I have to spell it out. :) I do have a little bit of hair on my forearms and my eyebrows. I have a few eyelashes on my top lids, but none on the bottom. Oh, I still have nose hairs, but some did fall out. Bet you never thought of that!! My fingers and toes have numbness and tingling from the Taxol and was told that will persist for a while. Because of this side effect, I have noticed that my fingernails are yellowish and are shaping differently. My husband says they look like witches' fingers. He's right, they are quite ugly looking. With all the physical transformations that have happened, I have appreciated how easy and quickly grooming was/is. While I was really sick, it was nice to not have to fuss over my hair.
I am grateful to my husband for being there for me through the ugly and painful times of this roller coaster ride. I'm glad it has ended so we can get off of that ride, but anxious about the next ride.
I will have my bilateral (double) mastectomy on December 12, 2012. I will make another post with more information shortly.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Last Treatment Side Effects
Well, the effects of my last treatment wasn't what I was hoping it to be. I did not have the aches and pains like in the past, however, I did get sick. I have a respiratory infection. I had a faint cough on Thursday and then it just got worse and worse. I started taking antibiotics on Sunday, so I am hoping to be well by Thanksgiving.
The Neulasta shot was definitely the culprit for the aches and pains. That is one nasty drug! I'm hoping these antibiotics will work and when I have my blood drawn on Wednesday, my counts will be high enough to not get the shot.
Surgery is still up in the air as to when it will happen. The breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon have to be coordinated and that was not done when Dec. 11th was chosen. I should know tomorrow when they are both available. I'm hoping it will be still be in December but it could be January. I will let you know when I know.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and savory the company of your family and friends this holiday season! I am so very thankful for the love and support me and my family have received during this difficult season of our lives. I am overwhelmed by the giving hearts of all of you. My love goes out to each and everyone of you!
The Neulasta shot was definitely the culprit for the aches and pains. That is one nasty drug! I'm hoping these antibiotics will work and when I have my blood drawn on Wednesday, my counts will be high enough to not get the shot.
Surgery is still up in the air as to when it will happen. The breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon have to be coordinated and that was not done when Dec. 11th was chosen. I should know tomorrow when they are both available. I'm hoping it will be still be in December but it could be January. I will let you know when I know.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and savory the company of your family and friends this holiday season! I am so very thankful for the love and support me and my family have received during this difficult season of our lives. I am overwhelmed by the giving hearts of all of you. My love goes out to each and everyone of you!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Last Chemo Treatment #8
I finished my last chemotherapy treatment today, November 14th!!!! I was so excited and relieved for this day to come. I am looking forward to getting past the side effects and then I will say chemo is complete. There may be a good chance that my side effects will be next to none since I do not have to take the Neulasta shot tomorrow. The past two treatments, my doctor has decreased the dose and everything went well. So, no shot this time! It is somewhat risky to do this since this shot increase red blood cells to help fight infection. I am taking a slight gamble that I will not get an infection within the next week. So I go back in a week to check my blood cell counts to make sure they are still high. If they are low, I will have to take a one day version of the Neulasta that will give me the same side effects over Thanksgiving. Prayers would be appreciated that my blood counts are high and that I can fight any sickness that may come my way.
I have had a ton of hot flashes with the second chemo drug, so I am now on a drug to help lessen the severity. I will need this also when I start taking the 5-year hormone pill. I will have to take this pill to suppress my estrogen hormone to keep any cancer cells from feeding off of them. At least that is my understanding of how it is supposed to work.
I ended up going to my eye doctor after all since my eye was still blurry. It ended up being that my eyes were so dry that tissue was flaking from the cornea of my eye. I have a history of dry eyes and it was compounded by my lack of water drinking and I think the chemo has something to do with it also. I am on a prescription eye drop and hope that will reduce the inflammation on my eyes and I need to be more proactive with drinking water and lubricating my eyes. If it's not one thing; it's another!!!!!
I will keep you posted on how my weekend goes with the side effects. Hopefully it will all be good news!
I have had a ton of hot flashes with the second chemo drug, so I am now on a drug to help lessen the severity. I will need this also when I start taking the 5-year hormone pill. I will have to take this pill to suppress my estrogen hormone to keep any cancer cells from feeding off of them. At least that is my understanding of how it is supposed to work.
I ended up going to my eye doctor after all since my eye was still blurry. It ended up being that my eyes were so dry that tissue was flaking from the cornea of my eye. I have a history of dry eyes and it was compounded by my lack of water drinking and I think the chemo has something to do with it also. I am on a prescription eye drop and hope that will reduce the inflammation on my eyes and I need to be more proactive with drinking water and lubricating my eyes. If it's not one thing; it's another!!!!!
I will keep you posted on how my weekend goes with the side effects. Hopefully it will all be good news!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Seventh Treatment
I'm here!!!!! My apologizes for the absence, but I haven't felt much like posting anything even though I know I had things to post. It was feeling like extra energy I needed to exert to accomplish just a short post. I will get you up to date now...
So the MRI on my brain come back just fine. No cancer! That is wonderful news but still dealing with blurry vision and headaches. Right now my right eye is blurry and hard to focus on the screen. I guess it is just something I will have to deal with until treatment is over. It wouldn't make sense to go to the eye doctor to change my prescription and then it change again shortly after treatment. I will just have to see how long I can tolerate it before I
look for other alternatives.
This is Sunday, so my treatment was last Wednesday. I have the routine down now. I know what to expect. I now have a few aches and pains that should subside by tomorrow, but Friday and Saturday I was bed-ridden. Looking forward to getting out and about tomorrow.
I have one treatment left on November 14th and I can't be more excited. To complete this stage will feel like things can move forward. I'm not saying I'm excited about the next stage, but it is what it is. I have an appointment scheduled with my surgeon on November 28th to discuss surgery. I still am not sure what that entails, but more than likely a double mastectomy. I have a tentative surgery date of December 11th. Hopefully that does not get moved because I want to have some recovery time before Christmas.
That is all I feel like sharing right now! Hugs to you all and thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Sixth Treatment
I went into this treatment knowing more of what to expect, so I was prepared and ready to take it on.
First I visited with my doctor and everything is looking good. However, I let him know that I am having headaches and blurry vision every day. More than likely it is just my vision and not the effects from chemo, but he wants to rule out the chance of any cancer being in my brain, so I am scheduled for an MRI of my brain on October 24th. I was taken aback by this course of action, but I appreciate him being thorough with my health.
Treatment went fine, nothing out of the ordinary.
I felt really good today, Thursday, and ran a bunch of errands to prepare for the inevitable aches and pains that will take me out of commission til Monday. When I told my doctor that I had horrible aches and pains with the last treatment, he reduced the dosage of the Neulasta shot to hopefully lessen the effects of the aches and pains. I sure hope that is the case. I will know tomorrow.
That's my update...nothing else to share right now.
First I visited with my doctor and everything is looking good. However, I let him know that I am having headaches and blurry vision every day. More than likely it is just my vision and not the effects from chemo, but he wants to rule out the chance of any cancer being in my brain, so I am scheduled for an MRI of my brain on October 24th. I was taken aback by this course of action, but I appreciate him being thorough with my health.
Treatment went fine, nothing out of the ordinary.
I felt really good today, Thursday, and ran a bunch of errands to prepare for the inevitable aches and pains that will take me out of commission til Monday. When I told my doctor that I had horrible aches and pains with the last treatment, he reduced the dosage of the Neulasta shot to hopefully lessen the effects of the aches and pains. I sure hope that is the case. I will know tomorrow.
That's my update...nothing else to share right now.
Friday, October 12, 2012
WONDERFUL News
I finally got my genetic testing results and, as the title of this post suggests, it was what I wanted to hear. I do not have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes! I am not genetically predisposed to cancer!! This means I will not have to have a hysterectomy, I have not passed it down to my boys, and this is more than likely, hopefully, the only time I have to deal with this. I am so relieved and encouraged to fight to the end.
The effects from my last treatment were not as harsh as the previous four. I did not have the nausea or indigestion, but I had tremendous aches and pains. At first I thought it was from the shot that I do every time, but I read the side effects of this new drug, Taxol, and aches and pains are side effects. The pains were so bad that it took me out all of Friday and Saturday and most of Sunday. There were shooting pains all through my body and caused me to be bed-ridden during that time because I was quite weak from it. As hard as that was, I will take it over the nauseousness and indigestion.
Next treatment is Wednesday, October 17th. I will talk with the doctor to see if they have anything I can take to less the aches and pains this time.
Happy Friday!!
Next treatment is Wednesday, October 17th. I will talk with the doctor to see if they have anything I can take to less the aches and pains this time.
Happy Friday!!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Fifth Treatment
My spirits were a little higher today with some effort. I was trying to go into this treatment more optimistically, and I think I did pretty well.
I had my doctor's appointment first and I am healthy and am still on track to finish chemo on Nov. 14th. The results from the ultrasound didn't show much but concluded that the tumors have shrunk. Again, that still does not change the next steps but good news. I should know the results of my genetic testing next week. My insurance finally processed my claim and now I am waiting on the lab.
I think I went into this treatment with higher spirits since it is a different drug and hope that the side effects are not as bad. It was a very long day. This new drug takes 3 hours to administer. That time does not include my doctor's appointment and the other drugs that are administered. So I was there for 5 1/2 hours total. With this new drug the cocktail of drugs changed a little. Benadryl was added to the mix of steroids and nausea meds. The Benadryl took me by surprise. As I was sitting there, I started to feel tired and light headed and was experiencing tunnel vision. I felt like I was buzzed for a short time. Crazy stuff! I am scheduled to do fluids tomorrow and Friday just in case nausea becomes an issue.
Love to you all
I had my doctor's appointment first and I am healthy and am still on track to finish chemo on Nov. 14th. The results from the ultrasound didn't show much but concluded that the tumors have shrunk. Again, that still does not change the next steps but good news. I should know the results of my genetic testing next week. My insurance finally processed my claim and now I am waiting on the lab.
I think I went into this treatment with higher spirits since it is a different drug and hope that the side effects are not as bad. It was a very long day. This new drug takes 3 hours to administer. That time does not include my doctor's appointment and the other drugs that are administered. So I was there for 5 1/2 hours total. With this new drug the cocktail of drugs changed a little. Benadryl was added to the mix of steroids and nausea meds. The Benadryl took me by surprise. As I was sitting there, I started to feel tired and light headed and was experiencing tunnel vision. I felt like I was buzzed for a short time. Crazy stuff! I am scheduled to do fluids tomorrow and Friday just in case nausea becomes an issue.
Love to you all
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I'M BACK!!!
I don't know why I always feel that I need to apologize for the lack of posts. I know so many of you want to know how I'm doing and when I don't post, I feel like I have failed you. But on the other hand, I know you do not expect to hear from me all the time. It's a battle I have with myself on a daily basis.
Anyway, I need to catch you up from my last post...
I was hopeful that the beginning of last week was going to be good, but it wasn't. I had indigestion really bad and it kept me from eating or drinking much at all. I didn't really start feeling some relief from the indigestion until this past Saturday. I still feel it but it is tolerable now. I'm not sure if this will be a continual thing with each treatment or if it was just a one time thing. I vote for the latter!
Friday, I felt well enough to go to my company's employee appreciation picnic at Perche Creek. It felt good to be outside and visit with my coworkers. I was drained by the time it was over, but so glad I went. There are many very wonderful and caring individuals at my company and I so appreciate your concern and support. Very uplifting for me.
This journey has been a roller coaster of emotions and quite challenging. During the week of treatment when I am at my worst, I feel despair, loneliness, anger and fall into a depression. The constant sickness makes me emotionally weak and I can't seem to keep my spirits high. Gradually as I start feeling better, I feel hopeful, joyful and loved. Then the cycle starts over again. I'm just glad I come back out of the depression.
Tomorrow morning is treatment and I am feeling uneasy as to what this new drug will do to me. I would appreciate prayers for my emotional well being this coming week.
Love to you all
Anyway, I need to catch you up from my last post...
I was hopeful that the beginning of last week was going to be good, but it wasn't. I had indigestion really bad and it kept me from eating or drinking much at all. I didn't really start feeling some relief from the indigestion until this past Saturday. I still feel it but it is tolerable now. I'm not sure if this will be a continual thing with each treatment or if it was just a one time thing. I vote for the latter!
Friday, I felt well enough to go to my company's employee appreciation picnic at Perche Creek. It felt good to be outside and visit with my coworkers. I was drained by the time it was over, but so glad I went. There are many very wonderful and caring individuals at my company and I so appreciate your concern and support. Very uplifting for me.
This journey has been a roller coaster of emotions and quite challenging. During the week of treatment when I am at my worst, I feel despair, loneliness, anger and fall into a depression. The constant sickness makes me emotionally weak and I can't seem to keep my spirits high. Gradually as I start feeling better, I feel hopeful, joyful and loved. Then the cycle starts over again. I'm just glad I come back out of the depression.
Tomorrow morning is treatment and I am feeling uneasy as to what this new drug will do to me. I would appreciate prayers for my emotional well being this coming week.
Love to you all
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Halfway Through Chemo!!
My fourth treatment was not as harsh as the last two, however, it was/is still rough in its own way. I'm glad I took steps to get IV fluids the two days after treatment. That helped a lot with the dehydration and diarrhea. Each time I took fluids it was a two hour process, but worth it in the end. I think the steroid pills helped as well.
Now I am only dealing with a little nausea, indigestion and constipation. I'm still not drinking well, but I hope that feeling comes back soon before dehydration sets in. I was able to get out and watch Aden play soccer on Saturday which in the past would not have been possible. Still tired but not sleeping all day. If I can get some relief today in some of these issues, then I think the beginning of the week will be great! Which would be good timing since the kids do not have school tomorrow. I hope to have some energy for them. They have been real troopers through the rough times.
This fourth treatment was the last of the first drug. I can't remember what the medical name of it is, but the nurses called it A/C. The remaining four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol. Supposedly, nausea is not a side effect!! Please be true!!!!
Tuesday, I go in for an ultrasound to have my tumors measured to see if the first drug did anything with shrinking the sizes. It's more for the doctor's knowledge because it will not change the outcome of my next steps. They just want to know if that drug effected the tumors in any way.
Next treatment is scheduled for October 3rd. Oh, the stubble on my head is almost gone. It is quickly falling out with each shower. I have a shiny head now. :)
Now I am only dealing with a little nausea, indigestion and constipation. I'm still not drinking well, but I hope that feeling comes back soon before dehydration sets in. I was able to get out and watch Aden play soccer on Saturday which in the past would not have been possible. Still tired but not sleeping all day. If I can get some relief today in some of these issues, then I think the beginning of the week will be great! Which would be good timing since the kids do not have school tomorrow. I hope to have some energy for them. They have been real troopers through the rough times.
This fourth treatment was the last of the first drug. I can't remember what the medical name of it is, but the nurses called it A/C. The remaining four treatments will be with a drug called Taxol. Supposedly, nausea is not a side effect!! Please be true!!!!
Tuesday, I go in for an ultrasound to have my tumors measured to see if the first drug did anything with shrinking the sizes. It's more for the doctor's knowledge because it will not change the outcome of my next steps. They just want to know if that drug effected the tumors in any way.
Next treatment is scheduled for October 3rd. Oh, the stubble on my head is almost gone. It is quickly falling out with each shower. I have a shiny head now. :)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Fourth Treatment
Going into treatment was not easy. All the thoughts and smells came back and I was feeling nauseous. I met with a different doctor since my primary doctor was on vacation. That was a little weird for me but I managed. After talking about all the nausea I have been experiencing, he prescribed my some steroid pills to help curb the nausea. I hope it helps! I have tried three different kinds of nausea pills and neither are working like I would like. So hopefully the steroids will do the trick.
I'm also being proactive in that when I go in for my Nuelasta shot, I will also get some IV fluids. Then I will also go in on Friday for fluids as well. Since I do not drink much during the bad times, I am hoping the IV fluids will keep me from becoming dehydrated and from being bed ridden all weekend. We will see!!!
So far today, Thursday, is good. My stomach is churning and I feel a little nauseous, but all in all I am handling it very well.
I am still very saddened for my co-worker and her family in the loss of their very young son. Services are being held on Friday, so I ask that you put them in your prayers during this awful time. Lord wrap you arms around them and give them comfort.
Give your child(ren) a huge hug tonight and be blessed in their health.
Big Hugs to you all.
I'm also being proactive in that when I go in for my Nuelasta shot, I will also get some IV fluids. Then I will also go in on Friday for fluids as well. Since I do not drink much during the bad times, I am hoping the IV fluids will keep me from becoming dehydrated and from being bed ridden all weekend. We will see!!!
So far today, Thursday, is good. My stomach is churning and I feel a little nauseous, but all in all I am handling it very well.
I am still very saddened for my co-worker and her family in the loss of their very young son. Services are being held on Friday, so I ask that you put them in your prayers during this awful time. Lord wrap you arms around them and give them comfort.
Give your child(ren) a huge hug tonight and be blessed in their health.
Big Hugs to you all.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Preparing for Fourth Treatment
My apologies for the lack of posts this past week. I have been feeling really good since last Thursday. When I am feeling good, it gives me time to catch up on things that I couldn't do when I was feeling sick, so posting gets pushed down the priority list.
Today is my fourth treatment and I am trying to go into it with a positive attitude. I am scared that it will be worse than the last ones since the drug is cumulative. I'm trying to drink lots of water to get a leg up on the dehydration. I have tried three different nausea medications and they are not working well. I hope they have some other options.
I am asking for prayers for a co-worker and her family. The two-year-old boy who died from E.coli in Howard County is the son of my co-worker. My company and I are very saddened for this young family. We are hurting deeply for them. Please, please, please lift them up in your prayers during this extremely difficult time.
Love to you all
Today is my fourth treatment and I am trying to go into it with a positive attitude. I am scared that it will be worse than the last ones since the drug is cumulative. I'm trying to drink lots of water to get a leg up on the dehydration. I have tried three different nausea medications and they are not working well. I hope they have some other options.
I am asking for prayers for a co-worker and her family. The two-year-old boy who died from E.coli in Howard County is the son of my co-worker. My company and I are very saddened for this young family. We are hurting deeply for them. Please, please, please lift them up in your prayers during this extremely difficult time.
Love to you all
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Thoughtful Email
I'm not exactly sure what is keeping me awake this morning. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and tossed and turned until 5:30 a.m., so I got up to eat a piece of toast and drink some water...still can't seem to down a glass of water like I normally could. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, so I thought I would check emails.
I received a message from a friend from church wanting to offer up some encouragement to me, but found herself sharing her story of suffering. She shared with me that her mother went through chemo and radiation last year from her breast cancer diagnosis and that her father passed away just recently. Basically, she was apologizing for not reaching out to provide support to me. I thanked her for sharing her story with me. I'm not exactly sure how to say this...but it was comforting/helpful to hear how hard chemo was for her mother. I knew that wasn't going to come out right. Not specifically her mother, but others in general who must go through chemo. It is not easy by any means and I have been trying to share as much of those difficulties as possible with you, but I know I leave a lot out especially how it affects John. People hear about the start of chemo and how rough it is and then how people have triumphed through it. Unless you have experienced it personally or through someone very close, it is just hard to grasp.
I guess I am saying all of this because I have been depressed through this last treatment and I think I have realized it is because I have set some expectations on myself. I have been receiving positive and conquering stories of chemo of how people have been strong through it and could go on with their normal lives through it. I know people mean well when they share these stories, however, at this point in time, these stories make me feel like I am not living up to that standard. I should be stronger than this, I should be able to go to work through this. I know I'm not supposed to compare nor "should" on myself, but it happens whether I want it to or not. I just need to get out of it as quickly as possible so that I can move on. By the way, it's much easier to do this when I am not feeling so sick.
Anyway, I appreciated receiving this email this morning. It help put things into perspective for me. Sometimes we can get lost in our own issues and forget that others are suffering too. So, I have one ask of you...stop for a moment; think of someone who is in pain, struggling or suffering; and then email, text, call to let them know that you are thinking of them. Those few words mean a lot. You just have to trust me on this one. :)
Hugs!!
I received a message from a friend from church wanting to offer up some encouragement to me, but found herself sharing her story of suffering. She shared with me that her mother went through chemo and radiation last year from her breast cancer diagnosis and that her father passed away just recently. Basically, she was apologizing for not reaching out to provide support to me. I thanked her for sharing her story with me. I'm not exactly sure how to say this...but it was comforting/helpful to hear how hard chemo was for her mother. I knew that wasn't going to come out right. Not specifically her mother, but others in general who must go through chemo. It is not easy by any means and I have been trying to share as much of those difficulties as possible with you, but I know I leave a lot out especially how it affects John. People hear about the start of chemo and how rough it is and then how people have triumphed through it. Unless you have experienced it personally or through someone very close, it is just hard to grasp.
I guess I am saying all of this because I have been depressed through this last treatment and I think I have realized it is because I have set some expectations on myself. I have been receiving positive and conquering stories of chemo of how people have been strong through it and could go on with their normal lives through it. I know people mean well when they share these stories, however, at this point in time, these stories make me feel like I am not living up to that standard. I should be stronger than this, I should be able to go to work through this. I know I'm not supposed to compare nor "should" on myself, but it happens whether I want it to or not. I just need to get out of it as quickly as possible so that I can move on. By the way, it's much easier to do this when I am not feeling so sick.
Anyway, I appreciated receiving this email this morning. It help put things into perspective for me. Sometimes we can get lost in our own issues and forget that others are suffering too. So, I have one ask of you...stop for a moment; think of someone who is in pain, struggling or suffering; and then email, text, call to let them know that you are thinking of them. Those few words mean a lot. You just have to trust me on this one. :)
Hugs!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
70%
I'm somewhat back...
It has been a horrible weekend for me. I told you that they gave me more nausea medicine with my treatment, well, it didn't help so well. I have been nauseous since last Thursday. I don't want to eat or drink or take my nausea pills because I feel nauseous just thinking about it.
Because of all of this, I have been weak and lethargic. Yesterday, I thought, maybe I just need to go for a walk and get some Vitamin D from the sun. Well, I could only walk for 10 minutes and was drained and shaky afterward. Then I thought I must be dehydrated and called my doctor. They had me come in and get some IV fluids for a couple of hours and it has helped some.
While I was there they decided to prescribe me another nausea medication. It was filled while I was there and they told me to go ahead and take one. It's one that melts on the tongue and the taste is masked with a cherry flavor...I am feeling nauseous right now talking about it. Well it only lasted a few moments and then I threw it up. I never thought I would throw up while in the chemo room, but it happened. Couldn't stop it. They still want me to take that pill but I just can't. I can't imagine that it won't happen again. Wish they gave refunds on prescriptions!
Today has been a little better. I'm not 100%, maybe 70%. I still tire easily and it is hard for me to drink water. It just doesn't taste good. I was feeling really nauseous just before John came home for lunch, but I was able to eat...I ate a whole McDouble and a few fries! For some reason, I have a craving for meat during my recovery times. Red meat is even better!!
I'm hoping I do not have any setbacks and will continue to get stronger. Love to all and thank you for your thoughts and prayers through this!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Third Treatment
Today is the day of my third treatment and I have been dreading it. My stomach turns just thinking about it. Actually, I am depressed about it. I just start to feel better and normal, then back to this.
I visited with my doctor before treatment and let him know about my nausea and he is using a different nausea drug with treatment this time. Hopefully, this one will be more effective.
I don't have anything else to say...wish it was positive.
I visited with my doctor before treatment and let him know about my nausea and he is using a different nausea drug with treatment this time. Hopefully, this one will be more effective.
I don't have anything else to say...wish it was positive.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Catch Up Time
I apologize for the long delay between posts. I know many of you have been wondering how I am doing.
What I thought was allergies or a cold last week turned out to be a sinus infection. I was miserable Monday through Thursday. That Monday while I was at my appointment, they checked my blood count and all was okay, but they told me to call if I didn't start feeling better. Well, Tuesday night I was chilling and slept with long pants, a sweatshirt and a fleece hat. I had a temperature of 99 but felt like 102. Wednesday I called my doctor, and he prescribed me antibiotics. They started kicking in on Thursday, so by Friday I had a whole lot more energy. The trip to Chicago was normal. No unexpected issues. The rest of the weekend was GREAT! Thank you all for all of your prayers!!
It was wonderful to spend time with John's family. I had plenty of energy for the whole weekend. I even went to Six Flags Great America while up there and closed the place down! I rode a few roller coasters and other rides...I felt very normal except every once and a while, I would remember that I was bald wearing a ball cap and felt like people in line were staring at me. It only happened a few times, so I got over it quickly.
On most of the rides, I had to take my hat off so that it didn't blow away. You know when they take your picture at a certain point during the ride, well all of my photos showed me bald. I didn't purchase any of those pictures and I probably should have for memory sake. There was one roller coaster that I rode at the end of the night where I didn't have a partner, and there was this boy about the age of 11 or 12 who was waiting in line just in front of me. He was asking me questions about the ride since he hadn't ridden it yet and was a little scared. We ended up riding together and I warned him that when he sees the picture afterward, he would be sitting next to a bald woman. He didn't seem phased.
Well, I decided not to go back to work this week. Being sick most of last week, I felt I needed more normal time. Also, I have a treatment tomorrow and would be out at the end of the week anyway. I plan to return next week...probably.
I don't have too much more to say...I just wanted to update you on how I was feeling. Prayers needed for the rest of this week!!
Love to all
What I thought was allergies or a cold last week turned out to be a sinus infection. I was miserable Monday through Thursday. That Monday while I was at my appointment, they checked my blood count and all was okay, but they told me to call if I didn't start feeling better. Well, Tuesday night I was chilling and slept with long pants, a sweatshirt and a fleece hat. I had a temperature of 99 but felt like 102. Wednesday I called my doctor, and he prescribed me antibiotics. They started kicking in on Thursday, so by Friday I had a whole lot more energy. The trip to Chicago was normal. No unexpected issues. The rest of the weekend was GREAT! Thank you all for all of your prayers!!
It was wonderful to spend time with John's family. I had plenty of energy for the whole weekend. I even went to Six Flags Great America while up there and closed the place down! I rode a few roller coasters and other rides...I felt very normal except every once and a while, I would remember that I was bald wearing a ball cap and felt like people in line were staring at me. It only happened a few times, so I got over it quickly.
On most of the rides, I had to take my hat off so that it didn't blow away. You know when they take your picture at a certain point during the ride, well all of my photos showed me bald. I didn't purchase any of those pictures and I probably should have for memory sake. There was one roller coaster that I rode at the end of the night where I didn't have a partner, and there was this boy about the age of 11 or 12 who was waiting in line just in front of me. He was asking me questions about the ride since he hadn't ridden it yet and was a little scared. We ended up riding together and I warned him that when he sees the picture afterward, he would be sitting next to a bald woman. He didn't seem phased.
Well, I decided not to go back to work this week. Being sick most of last week, I felt I needed more normal time. Also, I have a treatment tomorrow and would be out at the end of the week anyway. I plan to return next week...probably.
I don't have too much more to say...I just wanted to update you on how I was feeling. Prayers needed for the rest of this week!!
Love to all
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Back from the Dead...Almost
I am DONE with all this chemo. I am not liking how it makes me feel. Friday was my worst day, as expected, and the rest of the weekend slipped away as I slept and felt sickly. I hated my life this weekend as I read all of my friends' Facebook posts about all the fun things they did over the weekend. And all I did was sleep, throw up and feel nauseous. I am ready to be well and enjoy being healthy. I must say, what I am going through puts "having good health" into perspective. I have taken it for granted and hope that I can convert to a healthier lifestyle when this is all over. Reality has set in and it will be a struggle to stay positive and upbeat through all this.
So that is how I was feeling Monday. Today, I am still drained and running slow from allergies or a cold. We are going to Chicago over Labor Day weekend to visit John's family, and I so need to feel better for the drive and all the activities planned. I definitely do not want to be a party-pooper. I'm planning to go back to work on Tuesday and will hate to feel like this a lot of the time while there. It will make for long, hard days.
The hair on my head continues to grow and my stubbles are getting longer, so last night I asked John to shave my head to make it smooth. He never thought he would be doing that. It feels much better now when I lay my head down. But now my wig keeps slipping. Ugh!
Those are my random thoughts for the day.
Hugs!
So that is how I was feeling Monday. Today, I am still drained and running slow from allergies or a cold. We are going to Chicago over Labor Day weekend to visit John's family, and I so need to feel better for the drive and all the activities planned. I definitely do not want to be a party-pooper. I'm planning to go back to work on Tuesday and will hate to feel like this a lot of the time while there. It will make for long, hard days.
The hair on my head continues to grow and my stubbles are getting longer, so last night I asked John to shave my head to make it smooth. He never thought he would be doing that. It feels much better now when I lay my head down. But now my wig keeps slipping. Ugh!
Those are my random thoughts for the day.
Hugs!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Second Treatment
Yesterday's treatment went really well. I was only there for 2 1/2 hours. I got right in for labs, then seeing my doctor and then chemo. I think I like those afternoon times since there are not so many people there.
The boys came with John to the treatment to get a tour of the building and see what Mommy goes through. They got to see my blood under a microscope and they watched someone having their blood drawn. I wasn't with them through this since I was already in the process of my treatment. I think they found it all very interesting and maybe will help take away any scared thoughts they may have built up in their heads when Mommy goes to the doctor and takes her medicine. All of the people at Missouri Cancer Associates are wonderful. They were very kind and friendly with the boys. I think that helped a lot!
I am doing well today. I have a little bit of nausea but I have been taking the pills to combat that...so far so good. My energy is a little low today. I took a 3 hour nap this morning. I'm not sure if that is from the chemo or that I just needed to catch up on some sleep since I have been running around like crazy with errands preparing for the down time. I go at 4:00 today for the Neulasta shot. Hopefully, that will not take too much out of me.
That was just a quick update. I will share more when I have more.
Love to you all!
The boys came with John to the treatment to get a tour of the building and see what Mommy goes through. They got to see my blood under a microscope and they watched someone having their blood drawn. I wasn't with them through this since I was already in the process of my treatment. I think they found it all very interesting and maybe will help take away any scared thoughts they may have built up in their heads when Mommy goes to the doctor and takes her medicine. All of the people at Missouri Cancer Associates are wonderful. They were very kind and friendly with the boys. I think that helped a lot!
I am doing well today. I have a little bit of nausea but I have been taking the pills to combat that...so far so good. My energy is a little low today. I took a 3 hour nap this morning. I'm not sure if that is from the chemo or that I just needed to catch up on some sleep since I have been running around like crazy with errands preparing for the down time. I go at 4:00 today for the Neulasta shot. Hopefully, that will not take too much out of me.
That was just a quick update. I will share more when I have more.
Love to you all!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Sinead O'Connor Look
I have been wanting to post about my party for some time, but I was emotionally drained that evening and was still trying to recover on Monday. Then I got busy running errands Monday and today trying to prepare for the inevitable downtime of the chemo treatment the rest of the week. Sometimes my posts can take a couple of hours to put together, so that's another reason this post was delayed. Your patience means pictures!!!
Believe it or not, I really had a great time at my head shaving party. I had some great friends there to support me. There was lots of laughter and tears. 13 ladies were in attendance and many in spirit for this occasion. We started out with snacking, visiting and introductions. Then I opened the many gifts I received. I now have several hats and a scarf to choose from when I am ready to strictly go that route. Very cute hats and the cards were sentimental and hard to read aloud...I'm not a good crier and talker at the same time.
Next came the shaving! My stylist started by taking sections of my hair and putting them into ponytails. Then she started shaving off each section one at a time. I, of course, had some hesitation, but this is what I was there to do. My anxiety was building each time she took off a section. I wondered what the others were thinking. I kept it light and offered some humor to ease my thoughts. When my hair was completely gone, I went around the room to let the ladies rub my head. I didn't realize at the time I had this ugly bump on the back of my head. I felt ugly when I saw it and wondered what the ladies thought when they saw it, but then I stopped myself and thought they may be wondering what their head would look like if it were bald. Basically, I turned the lies into truth and I was able to move on and not dwell on it. Thank you God for your presence.
I have been wavering as whether or not to post a picture of me bald. I want to be vulnerable during this process and show the way things are. Soo....here I am....
When I got home that evening, the boys just stared at me while I had my wig on. I had a huge headache from crying and from the tension of the wig, so I went into my room shortly after coming home to remove it for awhile. I didn't want to just take it off in front of them since I knew they were scared about this process. After a couple of minutes, Kalen started to walk in my room but John stopped him. Kalen said "What? Is she bald?" John said with a chuckle, "Yes, do you want to see her bald?" Kalen, of course, said yes right away because of his curiosity and Aden actually wanted to see me as well. Here's a picture of that moment...
They felt my head and then Aden had enough of that. Kalen kept rubbing my head.
Later that evening I let Kalen put all of those duct tape bows on my head like I said I would. He enjoyed that greatly. I was his art project for the night.
He's all about the bunny ears when pictures are being taken.
I am doing well even after a couple of days. You wouldn't believe how easy and fast it is for me to get ready in the morning! I am bald most of the time at home and throw on my wig when I go out. I think that is all I will share for now.
There are blessings in everything difficult.
Believe it or not, I really had a great time at my head shaving party. I had some great friends there to support me. There was lots of laughter and tears. 13 ladies were in attendance and many in spirit for this occasion. We started out with snacking, visiting and introductions. Then I opened the many gifts I received. I now have several hats and a scarf to choose from when I am ready to strictly go that route. Very cute hats and the cards were sentimental and hard to read aloud...I'm not a good crier and talker at the same time.
Next came the shaving! My stylist started by taking sections of my hair and putting them into ponytails. Then she started shaving off each section one at a time. I, of course, had some hesitation, but this is what I was there to do. My anxiety was building each time she took off a section. I wondered what the others were thinking. I kept it light and offered some humor to ease my thoughts. When my hair was completely gone, I went around the room to let the ladies rub my head. I didn't realize at the time I had this ugly bump on the back of my head. I felt ugly when I saw it and wondered what the ladies thought when they saw it, but then I stopped myself and thought they may be wondering what their head would look like if it were bald. Basically, I turned the lies into truth and I was able to move on and not dwell on it. Thank you God for your presence.
I have been wavering as whether or not to post a picture of me bald. I want to be vulnerable during this process and show the way things are. Soo....here I am....
When I got home that evening, the boys just stared at me while I had my wig on. I had a huge headache from crying and from the tension of the wig, so I went into my room shortly after coming home to remove it for awhile. I didn't want to just take it off in front of them since I knew they were scared about this process. After a couple of minutes, Kalen started to walk in my room but John stopped him. Kalen said "What? Is she bald?" John said with a chuckle, "Yes, do you want to see her bald?" Kalen, of course, said yes right away because of his curiosity and Aden actually wanted to see me as well. Here's a picture of that moment...
They felt my head and then Aden had enough of that. Kalen kept rubbing my head.
Later that evening I let Kalen put all of those duct tape bows on my head like I said I would. He enjoyed that greatly. I was his art project for the night.
He's all about the bunny ears when pictures are being taken.
I am doing well even after a couple of days. You wouldn't believe how easy and fast it is for me to get ready in the morning! I am bald most of the time at home and throw on my wig when I go out. I think that is all I will share for now.
There are blessings in everything difficult.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Wig Styling
This past week everything has seemed normal and as though I was never diagnosed with breast cancer. It was nice. I had lots of energy and accomplished many things around the house. I even had the opportunity to walk my kids to school on their first day. I enjoyed that immensely! It's kind of nice being a stay-at-home-mom for the time being. If only I could get paid for that. :)
It wasn't until today that the reality of my diagnosis became front and center once again. I drove down to Jeff City with a friend for my wig styling appointment. I wasn't nervous about this. I was actually excited to see what my new style will be. It took about 2 hours to complete the process. The gentleman working with me was very nice and patient with me. I am satisfied with the wig in the end. I think it will work!
Before heading home, I needed to stop by my friends' house (The Campbells) to pick up my boys. When I pulled up to their house, there were several kids out playing together. I saw a stand at the end of the driveway that I thought was a lemonade stand. When I parked, the kids were running towards my car and I said to my friend in the car, "Uh oh, what are they going to sell us?". We got out of the car and they were holding a banner that I couldn't read and then Maggie Campbell handed me a basket and there was a picture of me in it...a big head shot of me. :( Things were not clicking until Maggie's mom (Beth) started to explain that Maggie made several bows out of duct tape and was outside all day selling them to raise money to help pay for my wig. I was shocked and overcome with tears for the thoughtfulness of this nine year old girl to want to help me however she could. It brings tears to my eyes now just remembering that moment. The sweet thing was that my boys were there to help out and wave down cars as they were driving by. What an experience for them to be able to be a part of that. Thank you, Maggie, for your warm, generous and kind heart. I am in awe of you! She raised $56.41 for me by selling her duct tape bows for $.50 each. Unbelievable!
The boys were wired after that experience and told me all about how they helped out. Aden was impressed with Maggie as well. He said, "Can you believe Maggie was outside all day selling her bows to give money to you for your breast cancer?" Kalen showed me the banner. I will definitely be hanging it up somewhere in the house to display. There were still some bows leftover and Kalen was showing me all of them and wanted to put them all in my hair. I let him put two in then and said he could put all of them in my wig tomorrow night. He is very much looking forward to doing that.
That was my amazing day! We will see how tomorrow afternoon goes when all of my hair is gone. The anxiety is building!
It wasn't until today that the reality of my diagnosis became front and center once again. I drove down to Jeff City with a friend for my wig styling appointment. I wasn't nervous about this. I was actually excited to see what my new style will be. It took about 2 hours to complete the process. The gentleman working with me was very nice and patient with me. I am satisfied with the wig in the end. I think it will work!
Before heading home, I needed to stop by my friends' house (The Campbells) to pick up my boys. When I pulled up to their house, there were several kids out playing together. I saw a stand at the end of the driveway that I thought was a lemonade stand. When I parked, the kids were running towards my car and I said to my friend in the car, "Uh oh, what are they going to sell us?". We got out of the car and they were holding a banner that I couldn't read and then Maggie Campbell handed me a basket and there was a picture of me in it...a big head shot of me. :( Things were not clicking until Maggie's mom (Beth) started to explain that Maggie made several bows out of duct tape and was outside all day selling them to raise money to help pay for my wig. I was shocked and overcome with tears for the thoughtfulness of this nine year old girl to want to help me however she could. It brings tears to my eyes now just remembering that moment. The sweet thing was that my boys were there to help out and wave down cars as they were driving by. What an experience for them to be able to be a part of that. Thank you, Maggie, for your warm, generous and kind heart. I am in awe of you! She raised $56.41 for me by selling her duct tape bows for $.50 each. Unbelievable!
The boys were wired after that experience and told me all about how they helped out. Aden was impressed with Maggie as well. He said, "Can you believe Maggie was outside all day selling her bows to give money to you for your breast cancer?" Kalen showed me the banner. I will definitely be hanging it up somewhere in the house to display. There were still some bows leftover and Kalen was showing me all of them and wanted to put them all in my hair. I let him put two in then and said he could put all of them in my wig tomorrow night. He is very much looking forward to doing that.
That was my amazing day! We will see how tomorrow afternoon goes when all of my hair is gone. The anxiety is building!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Better Explanation of Treatment Plan
I'm one of those cool people now...I am at Panera eating a pastry and typing on my...actually borrowed...laptop. (Thanks again Lori M.!!!)
I know several of you are/were asking "Why chemo first?" and I wasn't very good at explaining why partly because I did not fully understand it myself. I met with my surgeon today and she helped explain my treatment plan very well to the point that I can explain it more clearly to you now...hopefully.
There were various factors to why my doctors recommended chemo first:
Young
I wish that were true but this means that I am premenopausal. The reason why I am having chemo is mostly because it is just part of the treatment plan but also because I am "young" and chemo will help to minimize long term risk of systemic disease (cancer in rest of body).
Heal Faster after Surgery
Since chemo will be completed, I am more than likely to heal faster after the mastectomy.
More Time for Decision Making
There are decisions that still need to be made:
Gene Counseling/Testing
Chemo first allows me the time to have genetic testing and make a final decision as to whether or not to take both breasts. If it is positive, I will have both taken and then in the same surgery, I would have my ovaries taken as well. This would allow fewer surgeries for me. I am still leaning towards having both taken regardless because I like symmetry and it would be awkward for me to be lopsided.
Reconstruction
I have more time to research and decide whether or not to have reconstructive surgery. If I decide to, then during the mastectomy surgery, implants would be placed under my pectoral muscles to expand the muscle and skin over time. Supposedly the expansion process may take two or three years to complete. This process would not start until after healing from the radiation treatments.
I think I have fully explained it...but now I am sure you have more and different questions, so feel free to ask.
Take care!!
I know several of you are/were asking "Why chemo first?" and I wasn't very good at explaining why partly because I did not fully understand it myself. I met with my surgeon today and she helped explain my treatment plan very well to the point that I can explain it more clearly to you now...hopefully.
There were various factors to why my doctors recommended chemo first:
Young
I wish that were true but this means that I am premenopausal. The reason why I am having chemo is mostly because it is just part of the treatment plan but also because I am "young" and chemo will help to minimize long term risk of systemic disease (cancer in rest of body).
Heal Faster after Surgery
Since chemo will be completed, I am more than likely to heal faster after the mastectomy.
More Time for Decision Making
There are decisions that still need to be made:
Gene Counseling/Testing
Chemo first allows me the time to have genetic testing and make a final decision as to whether or not to take both breasts. If it is positive, I will have both taken and then in the same surgery, I would have my ovaries taken as well. This would allow fewer surgeries for me. I am still leaning towards having both taken regardless because I like symmetry and it would be awkward for me to be lopsided.
Reconstruction
I have more time to research and decide whether or not to have reconstructive surgery. If I decide to, then during the mastectomy surgery, implants would be placed under my pectoral muscles to expand the muscle and skin over time. Supposedly the expansion process may take two or three years to complete. This process would not start until after healing from the radiation treatments.
I think I have fully explained it...but now I am sure you have more and different questions, so feel free to ask.
Take care!!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Trying to Keep You Updated
Today, Monday, has been a good day!!!!!! I had enough energy to organize a few things around the house and work on my organizing sideline business. Ask me about Clever Container if you are interested!!!! Now is the time to start organizing for the upcoming school year. Organization = Peace! Shameless plug...but it is my blog. :) It felt good to be productive!
The first treatment appears to have taken 3 1/2 day out of me. I still have some nausea issues and it has been hard to figure out what to eat. I think my biggest issue that took me out most of the time was diarrhea. I know...you're thinking GROSS, but I want to document what I experience through this journey and unfortunately diarrhea is in my most recent vocabulary. I didn't realize how much "the D word" can take you out. I thought it was nausea most of the time and was taking the medication for it but it wasn't helping until I figured out I needed to take Imodium. So far so good! OK, I will get off that subject. ;)
I noticed in the shower yesterday...no, I did not take a shower today...that a little more hair than usual ended up in my fingers and then clogging the drain. I got this sickening feeling in my stomach, I will call that anxiety, knowing that losing my hair is really going to happen. Even though I have prepared and planned the process on my own terms, it still sickens me. I do look forward to the extra time in my getting-ready routine, but so far that is the only thing I find positive about it.
Oh, I did finally remember to call for my lymph node biopsy results on Friday. From what I can recall and will get more details on Wednesday, it turns out it has micrometastasized. That means cancer cells have spread in groups that are still so small they can be seen only under a microscope. The first node that had the mole-like thing to it had a couple of cancer cells in it, but the second one was clean. This means that when radiation begins, they will radiate a larger area than initially thought.
The next news that I will be waiting on is whether or not I have the cancer gene BRCA. When that time comes, I will ask for enormous amounts of prayers. I'm still not sure when that process will start.
That's all I have tonight! Looking forward to lunch tomorrow with a friend and getting the van repaired. Hopefully another productive day!!!
Love to you all!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Bad Days
I have been out of commission the last 30 hours with nausea and tiredness the whole time. I do not like this one bit! All that sleeping hurts my body. My muscles get stiff and my back locks up. I'm going to have to figure out a strategy for the next treatment to hopefully subside some of these effects.
Wednesday
After each chemo treatment, I have to go back in after 24 hours to take a Neulasta shot which is to help increase the red blood cells in my bone marrow. The side effects are bone aches in the larger bones like the thighs, pelvis and sternum. I was not affected by it that day. I was able to go to my church's (Woodcrest) Baptism event. It is a wonderful experience to hear the stories of young and old as to how they found Christ and to see them be submerged in water to show the world their commitment to Christ. Very emotional stuff!
Thursday
Very, very bad day. I haven't felt that bad in quite some time. John goes into work between 6:30 and 7:00 each morning so I am responsible for getting the boys breakfast and lunches together before camp. It was so hard to get out of bed to do that. The boys are very, very helpful though. They can get themselves ready and get their lunches together. I just have to make their breakfast. I am so proud of how they are handling my sickness right now. I have a gracious friend who picks the boys up to take them to camp. That has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks, Brad!
I hardly ate anything all day. Nothing sounded good and I couldn't get myself out of bed to make anything. Like I said a horrible day when I don't get to eat! :) I really do not remember much about yesterday since I slept the majority of the time.
Friday
It was not as hard to get out of bed to get the boys breakfast except that I was extremely tired. I didn't have the nausea at first. Thought I could eat but only ate half of half a bagel. (I know I could of said a fourth but didn't.) As soon as Brad picked them up, I was back in bed. John came home about 11:30 to check on me and made me some lunch. I'm still in the process of trying to eat a PB&J sandwich. Not sure I will finish it. I'm awake though!!! I'm able to finally send out a post! I hope I can stay awake and maybe go for a walk. Devo, our 11 year old Whippet, would appreciate that!!
Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers.
Oh, next chemo treatment is Wednesday, August 22.
Wednesday
After each chemo treatment, I have to go back in after 24 hours to take a Neulasta shot which is to help increase the red blood cells in my bone marrow. The side effects are bone aches in the larger bones like the thighs, pelvis and sternum. I was not affected by it that day. I was able to go to my church's (Woodcrest) Baptism event. It is a wonderful experience to hear the stories of young and old as to how they found Christ and to see them be submerged in water to show the world their commitment to Christ. Very emotional stuff!
Thursday
Very, very bad day. I haven't felt that bad in quite some time. John goes into work between 6:30 and 7:00 each morning so I am responsible for getting the boys breakfast and lunches together before camp. It was so hard to get out of bed to do that. The boys are very, very helpful though. They can get themselves ready and get their lunches together. I just have to make their breakfast. I am so proud of how they are handling my sickness right now. I have a gracious friend who picks the boys up to take them to camp. That has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks, Brad!
I hardly ate anything all day. Nothing sounded good and I couldn't get myself out of bed to make anything. Like I said a horrible day when I don't get to eat! :) I really do not remember much about yesterday since I slept the majority of the time.
Friday
It was not as hard to get out of bed to get the boys breakfast except that I was extremely tired. I didn't have the nausea at first. Thought I could eat but only ate half of half a bagel. (I know I could of said a fourth but didn't.) As soon as Brad picked them up, I was back in bed. John came home about 11:30 to check on me and made me some lunch. I'm still in the process of trying to eat a PB&J sandwich. Not sure I will finish it. I'm awake though!!! I'm able to finally send out a post! I hope I can stay awake and maybe go for a walk. Devo, our 11 year old Whippet, would appreciate that!!
Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers.
Oh, next chemo treatment is Wednesday, August 22.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
First Treatment
Once again it has been an early morning for me. Up at 6:00 a.m. to get ready for a day of unexpectancies. My friend Becky was gracious enough to get up early and drive me to Missouri Cancer Associates (MCA). I had several other wonderful offers but she beat everyone to the punch. This could be fun for me to put something out last minute and see who has the fastest fingers or internet. :) I'm kidding...I don't have that deviousness in me.
Started the morning with a "teach" at 8:15 a.m. to go over my different medications and their side effects. There is definitely a lot to all of this. John showed up at the end of that to be with me during treatment. Next blood was drawn to check my counts. Then it was time for treatment.
I had my port put in last Friday so the steri-strips are still over my incision. When the nurse needed to access the port, the strips were in the way so she had to pull them off. OUCH!! John was sitting beside me squirming and wincing. She told me that all the pain I was going through now was going to make the "stick" less painful. True but it still hurt. Once I was plugged in, saline was dripped in for 30 minutes to flush the port. Next came the steroid and nausea medicine for 15 minutes. Then came the actual chemo. There were two different kinds used. The first one was red and was being pushed in by the nurse for 5 minutes. Then the second one was dripped in for 1 hour.
I didn't feel any different during the process. I got to eat Cheese-Its and Animal Crackers. John was great through the whole thing. He was able to still work but also take care of me. Love this guy!!!!
I needed to use the restroom during the process because of all the saline. I had to push the pump with me into the bathroom. That was a little awkward. It was hard to navigate and I definitely looked like a rookie. :) At one point, I looked like I was pole dancing because I got tangled up with it. :)
All in all, this treatment took a total of 4 1/2 hours from arriving to leaving. WOW! I'm feeling good and hope that that will continue. The nurses have me set up with a regiment of medications to stave off any nausea. I hope it works!! I'm not nauseous right now...I'm eating some of my mom's seven layer dip for lunch. :)
Thank you for the prayers and thoughts...they are working.
Love to all
Started the morning with a "teach" at 8:15 a.m. to go over my different medications and their side effects. There is definitely a lot to all of this. John showed up at the end of that to be with me during treatment. Next blood was drawn to check my counts. Then it was time for treatment.
I had my port put in last Friday so the steri-strips are still over my incision. When the nurse needed to access the port, the strips were in the way so she had to pull them off. OUCH!! John was sitting beside me squirming and wincing. She told me that all the pain I was going through now was going to make the "stick" less painful. True but it still hurt. Once I was plugged in, saline was dripped in for 30 minutes to flush the port. Next came the steroid and nausea medicine for 15 minutes. Then came the actual chemo. There were two different kinds used. The first one was red and was being pushed in by the nurse for 5 minutes. Then the second one was dripped in for 1 hour.
I didn't feel any different during the process. I got to eat Cheese-Its and Animal Crackers. John was great through the whole thing. He was able to still work but also take care of me. Love this guy!!!!
I needed to use the restroom during the process because of all the saline. I had to push the pump with me into the bathroom. That was a little awkward. It was hard to navigate and I definitely looked like a rookie. :) At one point, I looked like I was pole dancing because I got tangled up with it. :)
All in all, this treatment took a total of 4 1/2 hours from arriving to leaving. WOW! I'm feeling good and hope that that will continue. The nurses have me set up with a regiment of medications to stave off any nausea. I hope it works!! I'm not nauseous right now...I'm eating some of my mom's seven layer dip for lunch. :)
Thank you for the prayers and thoughts...they are working.
Love to all
Monday, August 6, 2012
Chemo and Other Dates
Today has been a good day for me. I went to lunch at Pickleman's with a friend. I wanted to get that in before treatment; just in case. I got a pedicure...green can you believe it! :) I will have dinner with my family tonight and then the boys are going to my sister's to sleep over before heading off to Big Surf in the morning. I'm so excited for them...actually I'm more excited about them stopping the countdown. That has been going on for a couple of weeks now. ;) No...I love to see them excited about things!
My chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning Tuesday, August 7. I'm anxious to get the ball rolling. I don't want to think anymore about how I will be feeling during my treatments; I just want to start and see what happens. I have a class first to talk about chemo and the various side effects and then I am given my first dose. I'm not sure how long it will take, but it sounds like it may be a long day.
I forgot to mention that Saturday, August 4 I went to see a wig guy (not sure what they are called). He is from Jefferson City and the first wig I tried on was the one, at least color-wise. I go back there Saturday, August 18 to have it cut and styled to suit me. He said he will probably need 2 hours, so I hope I am feeling okay for a daunting day like that. I'm kinda excited about it though. More excited that insurance will cover a wig because they are not cheap...$325 for the one I am getting. I should go the route my youngest son suggested. This morning he said, "You don't need to buy a wig. We could make one out of dried spaghetti noodles and then paint them brown." Then he started laughing. That is my little inventor and comedian!! I hope to have the courage to wear fun hats and scarves also. It's not in my nature to be blingy or standout. Subtlety is my game. Maybe this is another test for me...to come out of my shell and be known, however the attention is drawn. :)
I plan to donate my hair to Locks of Love before shaving it all off. I don't want it to go to waste. I grew it out for a very long time. I will be having a party with a few select friends on Sunday, August 19 to support me while I do this scary transformation. I would love to invite all of you and throw a big party...I did think of that early on...but when I really thought about it...it scared me to have to be that vulnerable with so many people. I don't think I will process it like I need to if so many were around. I would like a slew of uplifting prayers for this day. This part seems to be the most traumatic to me right now.
Hopefully, I will feel up to it to talk about tomorrow's treatment.
My chemotherapy starts tomorrow morning Tuesday, August 7. I'm anxious to get the ball rolling. I don't want to think anymore about how I will be feeling during my treatments; I just want to start and see what happens. I have a class first to talk about chemo and the various side effects and then I am given my first dose. I'm not sure how long it will take, but it sounds like it may be a long day.
I forgot to mention that Saturday, August 4 I went to see a wig guy (not sure what they are called). He is from Jefferson City and the first wig I tried on was the one, at least color-wise. I go back there Saturday, August 18 to have it cut and styled to suit me. He said he will probably need 2 hours, so I hope I am feeling okay for a daunting day like that. I'm kinda excited about it though. More excited that insurance will cover a wig because they are not cheap...$325 for the one I am getting. I should go the route my youngest son suggested. This morning he said, "You don't need to buy a wig. We could make one out of dried spaghetti noodles and then paint them brown." Then he started laughing. That is my little inventor and comedian!! I hope to have the courage to wear fun hats and scarves also. It's not in my nature to be blingy or standout. Subtlety is my game. Maybe this is another test for me...to come out of my shell and be known, however the attention is drawn. :)
I plan to donate my hair to Locks of Love before shaving it all off. I don't want it to go to waste. I grew it out for a very long time. I will be having a party with a few select friends on Sunday, August 19 to support me while I do this scary transformation. I would love to invite all of you and throw a big party...I did think of that early on...but when I really thought about it...it scared me to have to be that vulnerable with so many people. I don't think I will process it like I need to if so many were around. I would like a slew of uplifting prayers for this day. This part seems to be the most traumatic to me right now.
Hopefully, I will feel up to it to talk about tomorrow's treatment.
Post-op Update
Here are the details I promised.
Friday
It had been a very long day for me. I was awake at 5:00 a.m. and got to the hospital by 6:45 a.m. I was hungry and tired. More noticeable during all the wait time. However, I can't complain too much about the wait because in actuality things moved along really well.
First was the Sentinel Lymph Node procedure. Of all the procedures, that was the least painful. They numbed the area just under my nipple and then injected the dye. (I told you I was going to give details.) I was sent back out to the waiting room for an hour to give the dye time to travel to the nodes and then went in for imaging to see if the dye showed up. Almost but not fully, so sent back to wait for half an hour. After that time they could mark one for dissection during surgery. It ended up only taking two hours instead of three...good sign.
I was sent into surgery prep just 15 minutes after the Sentinel. Had to get all hooked up with IV and monitors and wait my turn. During the wait, I had to explain to four different doctors what my surgery consisted of for that day. Slightly annoying, however, I appreciated their thoroughness and accuracy before putting me under. My husband, dad, oldest sister and a friend kept me company and laughing during the wait. I wasn't nervous at all. I have been through surgery before so the uncertainty wasn't present for me this time. I think it was the prayers also!
When I finally woke up, I got to see John and see the relief on his face. I hate that he has to go through this. My neck was in a lot of pain and I was hungry. Crackers never tasted so good!! That night at home, I wasn't feeling too bad. I was groggy and my upper abs and the top of my legs where they connect to the hips were very sore. I'm not sure why that was. I ate well (very good tacos Brad & Patty)...didn't sleep well. I felt bad for John that he was up every two hours either to give me a drink of water, pain pills or help me up to go to the bathroom. I love him so very much for being by my side through this and for what is to come.
My sister was very kind to take the boys home with her Friday night so that I could rest. It was very helpful and needed!
Saturday
I slept off and on throughout the day so it was a blur. When the Vicodin kicked in, I would become relaxed and sleepy. It didn't help much with the pain so I was taking Ibuprofen as well. I finally got out of bed at 10 a.m. to eat breakfast. John made me some waffles. I was very hungry, but the first bite I took, I felt very woozy. I ran into the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up but it ended up just being nausea and sweating. I did not like that feeling at all. Thank goodness my nurse had prescribed me nausea medicine for when chemo started. Those help right away. Not a good sign of things to come...it was an awful feeling!
I still had a lot of pain in between my neck and shoulder. I believe it is from the port-a-cath wires. I could only sleep on my back or my left side, so that has been kinda miserable. My boys stayed with my parents Saturday night, so once again that was very helpful.
That is about all that I remember of Saturday, since I slept through most of it.
Sunday
I was home by myself until 3:00. It was peaceful. Still slept off and on but each day I was feeling less pain. Still do not understand why my abs and hips hurt. It made it more difficult to get out of bed because of my abs. Crazy!
I ate a late breakfast but did not eat lunch...to lazy to do it. A couple from church brought us KFC for dinner. It was so sweet of them to do that! The boys loved it and I ate my share as well since I did skip a meal! :)
I slept pretty well during the night and am up and about trying to get a few things done...like my posts!!!!
More to come....
Friday
It had been a very long day for me. I was awake at 5:00 a.m. and got to the hospital by 6:45 a.m. I was hungry and tired. More noticeable during all the wait time. However, I can't complain too much about the wait because in actuality things moved along really well.
First was the Sentinel Lymph Node procedure. Of all the procedures, that was the least painful. They numbed the area just under my nipple and then injected the dye. (I told you I was going to give details.) I was sent back out to the waiting room for an hour to give the dye time to travel to the nodes and then went in for imaging to see if the dye showed up. Almost but not fully, so sent back to wait for half an hour. After that time they could mark one for dissection during surgery. It ended up only taking two hours instead of three...good sign.
I was sent into surgery prep just 15 minutes after the Sentinel. Had to get all hooked up with IV and monitors and wait my turn. During the wait, I had to explain to four different doctors what my surgery consisted of for that day. Slightly annoying, however, I appreciated their thoroughness and accuracy before putting me under. My husband, dad, oldest sister and a friend kept me company and laughing during the wait. I wasn't nervous at all. I have been through surgery before so the uncertainty wasn't present for me this time. I think it was the prayers also!
When I finally woke up, I got to see John and see the relief on his face. I hate that he has to go through this. My neck was in a lot of pain and I was hungry. Crackers never tasted so good!! That night at home, I wasn't feeling too bad. I was groggy and my upper abs and the top of my legs where they connect to the hips were very sore. I'm not sure why that was. I ate well (very good tacos Brad & Patty)...didn't sleep well. I felt bad for John that he was up every two hours either to give me a drink of water, pain pills or help me up to go to the bathroom. I love him so very much for being by my side through this and for what is to come.
My sister was very kind to take the boys home with her Friday night so that I could rest. It was very helpful and needed!
Saturday
I slept off and on throughout the day so it was a blur. When the Vicodin kicked in, I would become relaxed and sleepy. It didn't help much with the pain so I was taking Ibuprofen as well. I finally got out of bed at 10 a.m. to eat breakfast. John made me some waffles. I was very hungry, but the first bite I took, I felt very woozy. I ran into the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up but it ended up just being nausea and sweating. I did not like that feeling at all. Thank goodness my nurse had prescribed me nausea medicine for when chemo started. Those help right away. Not a good sign of things to come...it was an awful feeling!
I still had a lot of pain in between my neck and shoulder. I believe it is from the port-a-cath wires. I could only sleep on my back or my left side, so that has been kinda miserable. My boys stayed with my parents Saturday night, so once again that was very helpful.
That is about all that I remember of Saturday, since I slept through most of it.
Sunday
I was home by myself until 3:00. It was peaceful. Still slept off and on but each day I was feeling less pain. Still do not understand why my abs and hips hurt. It made it more difficult to get out of bed because of my abs. Crazy!
I ate a late breakfast but did not eat lunch...to lazy to do it. A couple from church brought us KFC for dinner. It was so sweet of them to do that! The boys loved it and I ate my share as well since I did skip a meal! :)
I slept pretty well during the night and am up and about trying to get a few things done...like my posts!!!!
More to come....
Friday, August 3, 2012
Surgery Update (Cliff Notes Version)
I was hoping to have a full post tonight but I'm in some pain and zoning out while I type. Vicodin is wearing off. :(
Surgery went well. I was sedated with tube in throat (under further than originally thought)...2 lymph nodes removed...1 clear and 1 being tested further. They think it is fine, but since there is a mole-type lesion (capsular nevus) on the inside of the node, they want to rule out any cancer cells in it. I will know the results of that either Tues. or Wed....porto-cath placed. Surgery itself took 1 1/2 hours. From start of surgery to leaving the hospital took 4 1/2 hours. It took me a little while to wake up from anesthesia but I needed the sleep. :) From start of the day to going home took 9 hours.
The porto-cath placed on my right side is much more painful than the incision under my left arm. I have pain in my neck and shoulder. It is very stiff and I can't really use it. My throat is sore from the tube but all in all I can't complain. ;)
I almost didn't make it through this because my eyes are so heavy. Wanted to fill you in with some information but must stop now. More to come with more details.
Good night (hopefully)!
Surgery went well. I was sedated with tube in throat (under further than originally thought)...2 lymph nodes removed...1 clear and 1 being tested further. They think it is fine, but since there is a mole-type lesion (capsular nevus) on the inside of the node, they want to rule out any cancer cells in it. I will know the results of that either Tues. or Wed....porto-cath placed. Surgery itself took 1 1/2 hours. From start of surgery to leaving the hospital took 4 1/2 hours. It took me a little while to wake up from anesthesia but I needed the sleep. :) From start of the day to going home took 9 hours.
The porto-cath placed on my right side is much more painful than the incision under my left arm. I have pain in my neck and shoulder. It is very stiff and I can't really use it. My throat is sore from the tube but all in all I can't complain. ;)
I almost didn't make it through this because my eyes are so heavy. Wanted to fill you in with some information but must stop now. More to come with more details.
Good night (hopefully)!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
PET Scan Results
GOOD NEWS! The Pet Scan was good. It does not appear that any cancer cells have spread anywhere else! Thank you all for your prayers. John and I can breath a little easier now.
Surgery
I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow Friday, August 3 @ 10:45 a.m. at Boone Hospital. I will have the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy procedure to test whether any of my nodes have cancer cells in them. They are for sure cutting out one and the blue dye test will determine if there will be more removed to test. Also the porta-cath will be placed. This is an out-patient surgery, so I will get to recover in my own bed.
It's going to be an early morning for me. I have to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m. to start the dye treatment. This is the three hour procedure I have mentioned before.
I will start chemo next week. I still have to determine the day. Sounds like I may be very sick the first day and the next. Will just have to wait and see how my body responds to it.
I did get some bad news...while on chemo, I will not lose weight just because of the chemo; I will more than likely gain weight. That was quite disappointing to me since that was one of my positive outlooks of all of this. :) Guess I will have to do the hard work myself to change my diet. SUCKS!!!
Little cranky...I haven't eaten for 12 hours. I get to fill my belly with some food that friends are bringing over to us. Can't wait. Then no food or drink after 11:00.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers!
LOVE to All
Surgery
I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow Friday, August 3 @ 10:45 a.m. at Boone Hospital. I will have the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy procedure to test whether any of my nodes have cancer cells in them. They are for sure cutting out one and the blue dye test will determine if there will be more removed to test. Also the porta-cath will be placed. This is an out-patient surgery, so I will get to recover in my own bed.
It's going to be an early morning for me. I have to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m. to start the dye treatment. This is the three hour procedure I have mentioned before.
I will start chemo next week. I still have to determine the day. Sounds like I may be very sick the first day and the next. Will just have to wait and see how my body responds to it.
I did get some bad news...while on chemo, I will not lose weight just because of the chemo; I will more than likely gain weight. That was quite disappointing to me since that was one of my positive outlooks of all of this. :) Guess I will have to do the hard work myself to change my diet. SUCKS!!!
Little cranky...I haven't eaten for 12 hours. I get to fill my belly with some food that friends are bringing over to us. Can't wait. Then no food or drink after 11:00.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers!
LOVE to All
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