Recovery

Going back to the beginning to talk about recovery will almost be impossible to recollect and is probably why it has taken me so long to post this.  I will recall what I can and it will probably be in tidbits so that I can share the most important parts with you.

The quickest way to sum up my recovery from major surgery is PAINFUL, DIFFICULT, FRUSTRATING, SLOW, PAINFUL, UNCOMFORTABLE, APPRECIATIVE. I know most of those are negative projections of my recovery but that is because I am still in it.  It has been just shy of 3 weeks and I believe I will still have another 3 to get full use of my arms.

Hospital Recovery
There are only a few things that I remember from being in the hospital after surgery and the main one was excruciating pain.  I'm not sure that adjective truly defines my pain level but you thing about the highest level of pain possible and I believe I felt it.  I was highly medicated with morphine, but it did not relieve my pain.  The nurses had to get a special order from my doctor for an IV pain medication called Dilaudid and it did help immensely, but in only 4 hour increments.  Because this drug was in IV form, I had to be able to tolerate the pain with pills like Percacet and Valium before I could go home and that is why I was in the hospital for three nights.

The thing I hated the most about staying at the hospital is that they made me get up to pee.  I was helpless, I could not use my arms to push myself up out of bed.  I was completely reliant on the nurses to use sheets to move me into position and then for me to use my legs to get up.  That process was soooo painful!  It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it.  You can image the number of times you would need to get up and pee in a three day period.  I would hold it as long as I possibly could.  When I let John know that I needed to go, I would begin to cry because I knew the amount of pain I was going to be in.  Also, having many different nurses due to shift changes using there own techniques once I got one down with the previous nurses was frustrating and made me angry.  (I think I was polite every other time.)  By the end, I was having John and my Dad help me because I could trust them more and they saw how painful it was for me each time, so they took extra precautions to ease the pain if they could.  Come to think about it...I don't know how that all worked out at home.  I will have to ask John later because I don't remember.

Home Recovery
I do not remember preparing to go home, the ride home or most of the first week.  I was in such a haze from pain medication that that time has been taken away from me except what John can tell me and maybe I can recall.  Oh, I remember seeing a recliner in my living room and that has been where I have slept and still sleep.  I can't wait to give your chair back, Dad, but what a thoughtful and precious gift to have because I don't know how I could have managed without it.

I was completely helpless for two weeks.  I needed help with everything and I mean everything.  I was proud of how I was accepting of the help and not fighting it.  I did/do not feel like I have been lazy or taking advantage of the situation (except maybe a few times).  I know some of you are thinking how could anyone think that in such a time, but that was my thing before cancer.  I was very proud and did not need help from others.  I was strong enough to do things on my own.  Now as I reflect, all I did was prolong the healing and stave off wonderful friends and family from support.  I am a much more humble person now and that is not a bad thing.

Appreciative was among my recovery process.  I have this keen awareness of many, many things I have taken for granted because it has been taken from me.  Not having the use or the full use of both arms limits or has limited my ability to do things for myself.  A few off the top of my head...feeding myself...brushing my teeth...washing myself...reaching for anything that was above my shoulders (now I am at the point of not being able to reach over my head).  Having pectoral muscles cut has made it difficult or impossible to...spring up out of my chair...lay on my side or stomach...sneeze...open things (especially pill bottles)...have a good long stretch after waking up in the morning...squeeze my husband and children the way I want to so badly hug them.  I can declare that the mastectomies are much harder and longer to recover from than the reduction.  I was only out of work for three days along with the weekend with the reduction.

I am also appreciative of the help and support through all of this.  The meals, the check-ins and kind words of encouragement.  Especially grateful to John's mom who has been staying with us and helping with the cooking and caring for the boys among so many other things.  It has taken worry off of my mind as I recover.

At this point...
I am able to use my arms more and more but not completely.  I can finally take care of my own personal hygiene.  I can't drive yet.  Oh, I have hair growing back.  That has been going on for about two weeks now.  My head looks like a fuzz ball.  The hair on my legs are growing back.   :(  I did end up losing my eyebrows and eyelashes and they are just now starting to grow back in.

What's Next...
This Wednesday, January 2nd, will be three weeks after surgery, and I will have my stitches removed and expanded once again.  I think the expansion will be a weekly process or as long as I can handle the discomfort from the stretching.

That's all for now!  Happy a very happy and safe New Year!!!!