Thoughtful Email

I'm not exactly sure what is keeping me awake this morning.  I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and tossed and turned until 5:30 a.m., so I got up to eat a piece of toast and drink some water...still can't seem to down a glass of water like I normally could.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, so I thought I would check emails.

I received a message from a friend from church wanting to offer up some encouragement to me, but found herself sharing her story of suffering.  She shared with me that her mother went through chemo and radiation last year from her breast cancer diagnosis and that her father passed away just recently.  Basically, she was apologizing for not reaching out to provide support to me.  I thanked her for sharing her story with me.  I'm not exactly sure how to say this...but it was comforting/helpful to hear how hard chemo was for her mother.  I knew that wasn't going to come out right.  Not specifically her mother, but others in general who must go through chemo.  It is not easy by any means and I have been trying to share as much of those difficulties as possible with you, but I know I leave a lot out especially how it affects John.  People hear about the start of chemo and how rough it is and then how people have triumphed through it. Unless you have experienced it personally or through someone very close, it is just hard to grasp.

I guess I am saying all of this because I have been depressed through this last treatment and I think I have realized it is because I have set some expectations on myself.  I have been receiving positive and conquering stories of chemo of how people have been strong through it and could go on with their normal lives through it.  I know people mean well when they share these stories, however, at this point in time, these stories make me feel like I am not living up to that standard.  I should be stronger than this, I should be able to go to work through this.  I know I'm not supposed to compare nor "should" on myself, but it happens whether I want it to or not.  I just need to get out of it as quickly as possible so that I can move on.  By the way, it's much easier to do this when I am not feeling so sick.

Anyway, I appreciated receiving this email this morning.  It help put things into perspective for me.  Sometimes we can get lost in our own issues and forget that others are suffering too.  So, I have one ask of you...stop for a moment; think of someone who is in pain, struggling or suffering; and then email, text, call to let them know that you are thinking of them.  Those few words mean a lot.  You just have to trust me on this one.  :)

Hugs!!